{100}{199}Spell checked by|HxHPRC|The best of the best
{200}{299}Enjoy the movie ..|Now!
{408}{503}[ Woman Moaning ]
{563}{647}Ahh ! Ohh !
{659}{695}- Ohh.|- [ Man Moaning ] Oh, yeah.
{707}{743}Ohh,|you're so good.
{755}{839}Ohh, yes.|I am the best, baby.
{851}{887}- [ Woman On TV ] Oh, yeah !|- Oh. Oh, that was a tit.
{899}{935}- That is a tit ! Yes !|- [ Moaning Continues ]
{947}{983}[ Woman ] Oh, you're so big !
{1019}{1055}Oh, yeah. Yeah,|that's right, baby.
{1066}{1127}- [ Man On TV ] Oh, doggie|wants to hide his bone. - [ Woman ] Yes !
{1138}{1175}Oh, yeah !|I'm bone smuggling, baby.
{1186}{1223}- Man, would you shut up !|- [ Moaning Continues ]
{1234}{1271}Hey, Jimmy.|Just wanted to say sweet dreams.
{1306}{1319}Yeah, yeah.|Sweet dreams. Good night, Mom.
{1354}{1415}- Kiss good night.|- [ Moaning Continues ]
{1426}{1487}- [ Mom ] Something wrong|with the reception ? - Uh, yeah. Yeah.
{1498}{1558}- There's-- There's this nature|show that I'm trying to watch. - [ Man On TV ] Take it off.
{1570}{1654}- And the birds are|all scrambled and I can't even-- - [ Woman On TV ] Do me ! Yes !
{1666}{1726}- [ Jimmy Groans ]|- Baby ! Ride me like a pony !
{1738}{1798}- The thing must be broken or I|sat on the remote or something. - [ Moans Continue ]
{1810}{1870}- Getting ready for bed, son ?|- Yup, I'm all set, Dad. I'm all set.
{1882}{1942}- Yeah ?|- No ! No, I think he's tried to watch some illegal channels.
{1954}{2014}- Illegal-- Illegal channels ?|- This is just bad reception, honey.
{2025}{2062}-[ Man On TV ] Oh, spank my hairy ass !|-What's that ?
{2073}{2158}- Ooh, baby !|- You know what ? Here. Just give me this, please--
{2169}{2230}- Oh, my God !|- And let's get this-- Ohh !
{2241}{2326}Okay, okay. Let's, uh-- What the hell's|the matter with this thing ?
{2337}{2350}[ Woman On TV ] Yes !
{2361}{2350}[ Woman On TV ] Yes !
{2625}{2685}[ Boy ] Illegal channels ?|Shit !
{2697}{2733}If there's any channel that|should be illegal, it's that "all-woman's" channel.
{2769}{2829}- Lifetime supply|of pantyhose or some shit. - Yeah.
{2841}{2901}Hey, uh, did you see The Little Mermaid|on TV the other night ?
{2913}{2973}- No.|- Ariel, man. She's so hot !
{2985}{3069}- Yeah, Oz. But not when she's on land.|- She's a mermaid, dude.
{3080}{3165}[ Boy ] Come on, Vicky, it's Stifler's|party. We got to go. It'll be great.
{3176}{3261}[ Vicky ] Why ? All that|happens at Stifler's parties is people get drunk and do it.
{3272}{3309}Yeah.
{3320}{3357}[ Vicky ] Now, come on, Kevin.|Open it.
{3368}{3429}It's a big, thick envelope, Vicky.|You got in.
{3440}{3477}If you think so,|just open it.
{3488}{3524}- Fine.|- ** [ Rock ]
{3656}{3692}Hmm.
{3704}{3788}"Dear Miss Latham: We're sorry but|after keeping you on the waiting list...
{3800}{3884}for the past couple of months, we've|decided that you are now rejected."
{3896}{3932}- Shut up !|- [ Both Giggling ]
{3944}{4052}- You got in.|- [ Squeals ] Yes ! I love you !
{4063}{4100}- -**-** [ Continuing ]|- [ Chuckling ] Okay.
{4279}{4316}Hey, you think I should wear|this shirt to Stifler's party ?
{4327}{4388}[ Scoffs ] You've worn that shirt for,|like, three days in a row, man !
{4399}{4436}Guys.|She said it.
{4447}{4484}- Said what ? [ Chuckles ]|- She said she loves me.
{4495}{4555}- Holy shit, dude ! The "L" word ?|- Oh, man !
{4567}{4603}Cornell's not|that far from "U" of "M."
{4615}{4651}Yeah, it's only,|like, seven hours.
{4663}{4699}Oh, and you get|to drive across Canada.
{4711}{4819}- Beautiful country.|- Whatever. It's doable.
{4831}{4891}Wh-What we should|do today, in band.
{4903}{4987}Instead of playing|our instruments regularly, we should play them backwards.
{4999}{5035}- That'll be so funny !|- Yeah.
{5046}{5083}-**-** [ Noodling ]
{5142}{5251}No offense, but you're talking|about a post-high school, long-distance relationship.
{5262}{5299}And you and Kevin|haven't even done it yet.
{5310}{5347}That's not why|we're going out.
{5358}{5419}What do you expect him to drive|to Cornell for ? Milk and cookies ?
{5430}{5491}We're gonna have sex|when he's ready and I'm ready.
{5502}{5538}It's got to be|completely perfect.
{5550}{5610}I want the right time, the right moment,|the right place--
{5622}{5682}Vicky, it's not|a space shuttle launch. It's sex.
{5790}{5826}- Finch.|- Here's the man we are looking for.
{5838}{5874}- Gentlemen.|- What's going on, buddy ?
{5886}{5874}- Gentlemen.|- What's going on, buddy ?
{5886}{5970}- Same ol'--|- [ Sighs ] Finch. You got the Latin homework ?
{5982}{6114}Oh.|[ Speaks Latin, Chuckles ]
{6125}{6162}It means, "My dog ate it."|It's Latin. It's a joke.
{6173}{6282}- It's a Latin joke.|- Yeah, Latin. Just drink your coffee.
{6293}{6330}- No, Jim, it's mochaccino.|- What ?
{6341}{6378}What I'm drinking, it's mochaccino.|It's not coffee.
{6413}{6450}[ Boy ] 'Nova !
{6461}{6497}- [ Both Grunting ]|- What's up, dude ?
{6509}{6545}You coming to the party|tonight, Ozzie, you fuckface ?
{6557}{6593}Uh, depends if my date|wants to stop by.
{6605}{6689}- I'm working on something new.|- I got an idea about something new.
{6701}{6737}How about you guys|actually locate your dicks,
{6749}{6809}remove the shrink-wrap|and fucking use them !
{6821}{6905}Dude, it's gonna happen.|She's a college chick.
{6917}{6953}[ Scoffs ] Oh, right.|I'll see you guys tonight.
{6965}{7049}I'll look for you in the no-fucking|section. [ Mocking Laugh ]
{7060}{7097}[ Self-Deprecating Chuckle ]
{7108}{7121}[ Self-Deprecating Chuckle ]
{7132}{7217}All right. I'm shooting for a|9:00 E.T.A. Beer in hand by five after.
{7228}{7289}Breath check.
{7324}{7409}- Thank you.|- [ Gargling ]
{7444}{7504}[ Hacks ]
{7564}{7624}- I wish you wouldn't do that.|- So, you got something up your sleeve for tonight ?
{7636}{7696}This is a foolproof plan,|my friend.
{7708}{7744}I have a serious question|to ask you guys. Okay.
{7756}{7840}You know Nadia the Czechoslovakian|chick ? She might be there tonight.
{7852}{7888}Now, do you think she would prefer...|[ Clears Throat ]
{7948}{7984}Laid-back Jim...
{7996}{8032}or...
{8043}{8104}[ Clears Throat ]|cool, hip Jim ?
{8115}{8152}I don't think it really matters|with that shirt you're wearing.
{8163}{8248}What ? Correct me if I'm wrong but|you're the one with the girlfriend...
{8259}{8296}and you're still|stranded on third base.
{8307}{8368}Hey, at least I know what|third base feels like, okay ?
{8379}{8416}- You're still just a batboy.|- Batboy. Batboy.
{8427}{8464}- [ Laughs ]|- What are you talking about ?
{8475}{8535}Guys, uh--
{8547}{8607}What exactly does|third base feel like ?
{8619}{8655}You wanna|take this one ?
{8715}{8799}- Like warm apple pie.|- Yeah ? - Yeah.
{8811}{8871}- Apple pie, huh ?|- Uh-huh.
{8883}{8943}- McDonald's or homemade ?|- [ Scooter Engine Starts ]
{8955}{9039}Gentlemen,|destiny awaits.
{9050}{9087}- [ Engine Stalls ]|- [ Boys Chuckle ]
{9098}{9111}- [ Engine Stalls ]|- [ Boys Chuckle ]
{9122}{9159}- -**-** [ Rock ]|- -** It's been one week since you looked at me -**
{9170}{9207}-** Cocked your head to the side|and said, I'm angry -**
{9218}{9255}That's number five and six|for the Stif-meister !
{9290}{9327}- -**-** [ Continues ]|- Yeah.
{9338}{9375}- [ Gasps ]|- Oops !
{9386}{9447}- Holy !|- H-Hey !
{9458}{9542}Nadia ! Buenos dias.|Glad you could make it.
{9554}{9614}- I'll be back for you later.|- [ Door Bell Chimes ]
{9626}{9686}- -**-** [ Snapping Fingers ]|- -**-** [ Continues ]
{9770}{9806}- Another party sultan !|- How ya doing ?
{9818}{9854}Welcome to Stifler's|Palace of Love, fellas.
{9866}{9950}- The keg's back there ! Enjoy !|- Yeah.
{9962}{10022}Vicky, Jessica ! Great to see you.|Glad you could make it.
{10033}{10070}Haha, bitches !
{10081}{10118}- Sherman !|- Hey !
{10153}{10190}What the fuck|are you doing here ?
{10297}{10310}Fellas !|What's going on ?
{10321}{10334}Fellas !|What's going on ?
{10345}{10430}Sherman. Not much. Just, uh,|scoping the babes.
{10441}{10501}- Indeed ! Some fine ladies here, boys.|- Uh-huh.
{10513}{10597}Confidence is high.|Repeat. Confidence is high.
{10609}{10645}Sherman is moving|to DEFCON 2.
{10681}{10741}- Full strategic arsenal|ready for deployment. - Hey !
{10753}{10789}You have something|going tonight, Sherman ?
{10801}{10837}You see that|Central chick, Bernette ?
{10849}{10885}- Um, no.|- No.
{10897}{10957}She's around.|Seems she's taken a liking to me.
{11016}{11077}Fellas, it's time|she experienced... the Shermanator.
{11088}{11149}Yeah, okay,|Sherman. Whatever.
{11160}{11245}I'm a sophisticated sex robot|sent back through time...
{11256}{11317}to change the future|for one lucky lady.
{11328}{11413}- Go get 'em, tiger.|- [ Imitates Schwarzenegger ] I'll be back !
{11472}{11508}- Hopeless.|- Completely.
{11520}{11556}- Hi.|- Hey, Vic.
{11568}{11628}Oh, shit.|Guys-- Guys--
{11640}{11724}There's Nadia and|she just looked at me.
{11736}{11772}- She just looked at me.|- Well, why don't you go talk to her ?
{11832}{11868}Yeah.
{11880}{11940}Yeah, you're right, Kev.|I should just go talk to her.
{11952}{11988}- [ Laughing ]|- [ Indistinct ]
{12000}{12036}Yeah,|I could do that. Sure.
{12047}{12132}Sure.|[ Clears Throat ]
{12143}{12228}Kev ? Kev ? Ke--
{12383}{12420}- [ Clattering ]|- [ Groan ]
{12431}{12491}Yeah. Yeah.|[ Indistinct ]
{12527}{12659}-** At last -**
{12719}{12779}-** My love -**
{12791}{12851}-** Has come along -**
{12911}{12995}-** My lonely days -**
{13007}{13115}- -** Are over -**|- [ Laughs ] That's great !
{13126}{13211}-** And life|is like a song -**
{13318}{13355}-** Oh, yeah, yeah -**
{13366}{13403}-** At last -**
{13462}{13498}See ya later.
{13510}{13546}-** The stars above -**-**
{13558}{13594}- -**-** [ Rock ]|- [ Doorbell Chimes ]
{13702}{13762}- -**-** [ Blaring ]|- We're here for the party.
{13774}{13834}What party ?|There's no party. [ Chuckles ]
{13846}{13906}[ Slurred, Indistinct ]
{13942}{14050}Weird.|Try the house down the street.
{14133}{14194}[ Oz ] So, what's your major ?
{14229}{14266}[ Girl ] Post-modern feminist thought.
{14277}{14338}Oh, cool.|Great night, isn't it ?
{14349}{14410}Sure.
{14421}{14553}Yeah, it's just something about the|springtime that's just cool, you know ?
{14565}{14649}- Like the smell|of fresh rain or something. - Mmm.
{14661}{14721}Suck me, beautiful.
{14733}{14769}What did you just say ?
{14781}{14865}- Suck me, beautiful.|- [ Laughs ]
{14877}{14985}My friends call me "'Nova,"|as in Casanova.
{14997}{15057}That's pathetic.|[ Laughs ]
{15092}{15129}Jeez, you don't|have to laugh at me.
{15140}{15177}Well, there's just some things|you need to learn, that's all.
{15188}{15249}- Like what ?|- Well, you've got to tone it down.
{15260}{15297}You don't need to come|to a place like Lookout Point...
{15308}{15369}and spout off|cheeseball lines to be romantic.
{15380}{15441}- Okay.|- You have to pay attention to a girl.
{15452}{15560}Be sensitive to her feelings.|Relationships are reciprocal.
{15572}{15656}Come on, Casanova.|I'll take you back to your friends.
{15668}{15704}[ Power Windows Hum ]
{15788}{15872}Vicky, think it's time to take|the next step in our relationship ?
{15884}{15968}- Tonight ?|- Yeah, it's such a perfect evening.
{15980}{16040}I mean, it's how you've|always pictured it, isn't it ?
{16051}{16088}[ Boy ] Damn, my parts fucking stink !
{16099}{16184}[ Boy #2 ] Dude, you gotta take|a shit ! You smell like a Yeti !
{16195}{16256}Or not.
{16267}{16328}Just relax.
{16363}{16400}[ Zipper Unzips ]
{16411}{16472}You actually|said that ?
{16483}{16543}- [ Laughs Hysterically ]|- Shut up !
{16555}{16591}You did a hell of a lot better|than I did with Nadia.
{16603}{16663}Oh, thanks, Jim, that's great.|That's really reassuring.
{16675}{16735}Hey, no problem,|'Nova.
{16747}{16831}Hey, don't call me 'Nova anymore.|I'm a-- I'm a fraud.
{16843}{16879}You guys|are pathetic.
{16891}{16951}I'm gonna find myself|a little hottie.
{16963}{17047}"Suck me, beautiful" !|[ Mocking Laugh ]
{17058}{17167}- -**-** [ Continues ]|- [ Heavy Breathing ]
{17178}{17215}- Let me know.|- Okay.
{17250}{17287}Keep going.
{17298}{17335}I should be able|to talk to girls.
{17370}{17407}I'm articulate.
{17418}{17455}You know, I got a 720|on my S.A.T. verbal.
{17466}{17526}Bullshit.|There's no way.
{17538}{17622}I kid you not, man.|Look. Listen.
{17634}{17718}- Copious. Verisimilitude.|- Mmm.
{17730}{17790}[ Moaning ]|Oh, ohh. Now.
{17850}{17886}Ohh.
{17898}{17958}[ Moaning, Grunting ]
{17970}{18030}[ Fizzing ]
{18041}{18078}Suck me,|beautiful !
{18089}{18150}- Damn it, Stifler.|- Checkout time !
{18161}{18294}- Please, vacate the room.|- You are such a jerk.
{18401}{18462}God, I can't believe how many|cool people are at this party.
{18473}{18557}Yup.|[ Chuckles, Snaps Fingers ]
{18569}{18605}And you got|a keg too !
{18617}{18677}- Wow !|- Indeed.
{18809}{18869}Oh, wait.|I left my beer downstairs.
{18881}{18941}No. No.|Here, babe !
{18953}{19013}[ Giggles ]|Thanks.
{19024}{19085}You're really|beautiful. Oh--
{19096}{19157}- Really ?|- [ Sighs ] Oh, yeah.
{19168}{19229}[ Both Giggle ]
{19480}{19516}[ Muffled Chuckle ]
{19528}{19588}You know what ? I don't know|if I want to be doing this.
{19600}{19708}- Doing what ?|- You know, like, if we hook up tonight,
{19720}{19780}tomorrow I'll just be some girl|you go telling all your friends about.
{19792}{19852}[ Incredulous Chuckle ]|No way !
{19864}{19924}Steve, you could at least look at me|when you say that !
{19936}{20044}[ Sighs ]|Look. Sarah,
{20055}{20140}I-- I wouldn't go telling|stories or anything about you.
{20151}{20260}I promise.|So, just... relax,
{20271}{20356}take it slow... and|let the good times roll.
{20415}{20499}- Okay.|- All right.
{20511}{20595}[ Gulps, Exhales ]
{20631}{20691}What's wrong ?
{20751}{20811}What's wrong ?|What is it ?
{20871}{20979}- Xenophobic.|- [ Scream ]
{20991}{21075}[ Whimpering ]|Oh !
{21086}{21147}- Regurgitation.|- I know that one.
{21182}{21267}- Kevin likes it.|- He likes getting head.
{21278}{21315}Gee, what a total shocker.|What about you, Vicky ?
{21326}{21387}I mean, h-have you just|never had one with Kevin...
{21398}{21435}or have you never|had one, period ?
{21446}{21482}I've had one.
{21494}{21530}- I think.|- Okay.
{21542}{21626}That's a no. No wonder|you're not psyched about sex.
{21638}{21674}You tell me you never|even had one manually ?
{21686}{21770}- I've never tried it.|- You've never double-clicked your mouse ?
{21806}{21842}- [ Coughing, Vomiting ]|- Ha-ha, nice !
{21854}{21914}- [ Laughing ]|- Jesus ! Stifler, how much did you drink, man ?
{21926}{22010}Hey, Stifler ?|How's the pale ale ?
{22021}{22082}- Fuck you ! [ Vomits ]|- Ooh, whoo !
{22117}{22202}- [ Kevin ] That's Stifler's mom ?|- [ Jim ] Yup.
{22213}{22322}Shit. I cannot believe a fine woman|like this produced a guy like Stifler.
{22333}{22418}- Dude, that chick's a "MILF."|- What the hell is that ?
{22429}{22513}- M-I-L-F-- Mom I'd like to fuck.|- Yeah, dude !
{22525}{22561}Oh-ho, yeah !
{22573}{22633}- [ Together ] Yeah ! MILF ! MILF !|- Hey, guys-- Guys. Guys.
{22645}{22729}- Come here.|- Sherman, what's going on ?
{22741}{22825}Yeah, uh-- Don't you think you fellas|could try a little tact ?
{22837}{22945}I got company,|if you know what I mean ?
{23004}{23041}She's hot !
{23052}{23089}[ Door Slams ]
{23100}{23233}If Sherman has sex before I do,|I'm gonna be really pissed.
{23244}{23353}Sherman ? [ Chuckles ]|The Shermanator ?
{23364}{23425}- [ Both Laugh ]|- Come on, man.
{23484}{23520}[ Together ]|MILF ! MILF !
{23532}{23616}MILF ! MILF ! Dude, hey, dude.|What are you doing to her, dude ?
{23628}{23712}Oh, my God,|bro, dude.
{23724}{23784}- [ Chuckles ]|- Enough of this blow job bullshit.
{23796}{23880}- I gotta get laid already.|- [ Vicky ] That's nice. Really, really nice.
{23892}{23952}- Can I have a ride ?|- Sure.
{23988}{24048}- [ Kevin ] Vicky, wait.|- Not for you.
{24059}{24144}Yeti !|I am the Yeti !
{24347}{24408}- [ Finch ] Good morning, gentlemen.|- Finch.
{24419}{24503}Where were you last night, huh ?|What happened to that foolproof plan of yours ?
{24515}{24575}Well, I was going for a fashionably-late|entrance and I was too late.
{24587}{24647}So,|no ladies left.
{24659}{24719}[ Sherman ] It was a very|special night, very special.
{24731}{24767}- [ Girl Giggling ]|- Guys. Guys.
{24851}{24935}- I'll never forget this.|- Oh, I'll never forget it, either.
{24947}{25031}- [ Sherman ] Thank you.|- Uhh.
{25042}{25127}- [ Girl ] Well, bye.|- Bye.
{25138}{25175}Bye.
{25186}{25223}[ Door Closes ]
{25258}{25319}Fellas, say good-bye|to Chuck Sherman, the boy.
{25330}{25391}I... am now a man.
{25402}{25463}I highly recommend|you join the club.
{25474}{25582}We were doing the wild thing...|all night. I'm exhausted.
{25594}{25654}I don't get it. I mean,|how the hell did you do that ?
{25666}{25774}It was just my time.|It was just my time.
{25810}{25870}Best of luck|to you boys.
{25930}{25990}- I cannot believe this.|- Come on, guys.
{26001}{26062}You know, we should|be happy for Sherman.
{26097}{26158}[ Sighs ]|No, we shouldn't be.
{26169}{26230}You know, I put in months|of quality time with Vicky.
{26241}{26278}Sherman meets a chick|for one night and scores.
{26289}{26350}- This is just wrong.|- No shit.
{26361}{26446}How the hell am I supposed|to become Mr. Sensitive Man ?
{26457}{26517}You know, we're all gonna go to college|as virgins. You realize this, right ?
{26529}{26589}I mean, they probably have special dorms|for people like us.
{26601}{26709}All right. I got an idea.|But it's got to stay between us.
{26721}{26757}It's really simple. We just|got to make an agreement.
{26769}{26829}Er, nah. It's--|It's more than an agreement.
{26841}{26877}- What ? A bet ?|- A pact.
{26889}{26925}No money involved.|More important than any bet.
{26937}{27021}Here's the deal.|We all get laid before we graduate.
{27080}{27141}Dude, it's not like I haven't|been trying to get laid.
{27152}{27213}Think about when you work out, Oz.|You gotta have someone there, right ?
{27224}{27261}Someone to spot you.|Someone to keep you motivated.
{27272}{27333}Well, that's exactly what|we can do for each other.
{27344}{27405}I mean, we'll be there|to keep each other on track.
{27416}{27453}Separately, we are flawed|and vulnerable, but together,
{27464}{27500}we are the masters|of our sexual destiny.
{27512}{27548}Their tiger-style|kung fu is strong.
{27560}{27596}But our dragon-style|will defeat it.
{27608}{27692}- Guys !|- The Shaolin masters from East and West must unite !
{27704}{27740}- Fight, and find out who is number one.|- Guys !
{27776}{27860}Come on. You're ruining my moment here.|This is our very manhood at stake.
{27872}{27932}We must make|a stand, here and now.
{27968}{28052}No longer will our penises|remain flaccid and unused !
{28063}{28148}We will fight for every man out there|who isn't getting laid and should be.
{28159}{28220}This is our day.|This is our time.
{28255}{28340}And, by God, we will not stand by and|watch history condemn us into celibacy.
{28351}{28388}- Amen. Yes.|- I like that.
{28399}{28483}-We will make a stand. We will succeed.|-'Bout time !
{28495}{28555}- We will get laid !|- Yeah ! - Yeah !
{28567}{28579}[ Cheering, Whooping ]
{28591}{28675}Now, the sex: It's got|to be valid, consensual sex.
{28687}{28771}- No prostitutes.|That's what you're thinking, Finch. - [ Sucking Air ]
{28783}{28819}[ Laughs ]|Busted.
{28831}{28891}So, basically,|prom is our last chance.
{28903}{28939}- Oh, dude. Prom sucks.|- I know,
{28951}{28987}but you gotta think|about it this way.
{28998}{29083}I mean, all the parties afterwards ?|The chicks are going to want to do it.
{29094}{29179}- Yeah-yeah, he's right. It's,|like tradition or something. - The Rose Bowl.
{29214}{29299}- So, that gives us--|- Exactly three weeks to the day.
{29358}{29419}- We're gonna do this.|- All right, to the next step ! - Next step !
{29430}{29443}[ Together ] Next step !|[ Whooping ]
{29454}{29490}[ Together ] Next step !|[ Whooping ]
{29502}{29610}-** I have visions I was in them|I was looking into the mirror -**
{29622}{29682}-** To see a little bit clearer -**
{29694}{29730}-** The rottenness|and evil in me -**
{29814}{29898}-** Fingertips have memories I can't|forget the curves of your body -**
{29910}{29970}-** And when I feel|a bit naughty -**
{29982}{30066}-** I run it up|the flagpole and see -**
{30077}{30114}-** Who salutes|but no one ever does -**
{30125}{30210}-** I'm not sick|but I'm not well -**
{30221}{30258}-** I'm not sick|but I'm not well -**
{30269}{30330}-** And I'm so hot -**
{30341}{30426}-** 'Cause I'm in hell -**
{30437}{30521}-** Been around the world and found|that only stupid people are breeding -**
{30557}{30617}-** The cretins|cloning and feeding -**
{30629}{30689}- Well, did you get the flowers ?|- -** And I don't even own a TV -**
{30749}{30809}-** Hear the voices in my head|I swear to God -**
{30821}{30881}-** It sounds like|they're snoring -**
{30893}{30953}-** But if you're poor|and you're boring -**
{30965}{31001}-** The agony and the irony -**
{31012}{31097}-** They're killing me -**|Whoa !
{31108}{31193}-** I'm not sick|but I'm not well -**
{31204}{31265}-** And I'm so hot -**
{31300}{31361}-** 'Cause I'm in hell -**-**
{31372}{31433}Don't worry. You'll|get her back soon enough.
{31444}{31480}- You think so ?|- Sure, she likes you.
{31492}{31504}- Well, I like her too.|- Do you love her ?
{31516}{31528}- Well, I like her too.|- Do you love her ?
{31540}{31624}Um, you know what ?|You can't really ask me that.
{31636}{31696}Well, if you want to get|her in the sack, I mean, just tell her you love her.
{31708}{31768}- That's how I was duped.|- Look, Jessica,
{31780}{31840}I-I don't want|to dupe her.
{31852}{31912}All right.|What you need to do...
{31924}{31960}is learn how to press|a girl's buttons.
{31995}{32008}You have to give her|what she's never had.
{32043}{32104}- What's that ?|- Let me give you a hint.
{32115}{32200}[ Orgasmic Moans ]|Ohh, Kev ! Uhh. Yeah.
{32211}{32272}- ? Comprende ?|- You mean an orgasm.
{32283}{32344}- You got it, stud !|- Well, you know,
{32355}{32392}I'm-I'm pretty sure that I've...|given her a--
{32403}{32487}- No, you haven't.|- Well, there was one time--
{32499}{32559}- No.|- Oh, man.
{32571}{32679}- Look, kid, it's up to you.|The big "L" or the big "O." - Dickhead !
{32691}{32775}- You gotta see this.|- [ Vocal Group ] -** Do you believe in -**
{32787}{32847}- -** Magic in a young girl's heart -**|- -** Ooh, ooh -**
{32859}{32919}-** How the music can free her|whenever it starts -**
{32955}{33015}-** And it's magic|if the music is groovy -**
{33026}{33111}- -** It makes you feel happy -**|- What did you cocks do to him ?
{33122}{33159}- -** I'll tell you about the magic|It'll free your soul -** - -** Ooh, ooh, ooh -**
{33194}{33279}-** But it's like trying to tell|a stranger 'bout rock 'n' roll -**-**
{33290}{33327}Great.|See you next time.
{33458}{33518}- Hey, guys.|Came to watch me in action ? - Yeah.
{33530}{33590}- I-I think you sounded pretty good.|- Yeah, man.
{33602}{33638}I think you need|your balls reattached.
{33650}{33710}- Hey, keep it down, dude.|- What the fuck are you doing here ?
{33722}{33758}This place|is an untapped resource.
{33770}{33806}I mean,|check it out.
{33842}{33926}- These vocal jazz girls are hot.|- Why the hell is he joining jazz choir so late ?
{33938}{34022}- Maybe he's preparing for|another senior year at East ? - [ Chuckles ]
{34033}{34118}You guys,|we don't even know him.
{34177}{34214}You dipshit !
{34225}{34262}You're expecting|to score with some...
{34273}{34310}goody-goody|choirgirl priss ?
{34321}{34406}These chicks don't know me. I can work|the sensitive angle here, fellas !
{34417}{34477}You know, it's just like|that college chick told me.
{34489}{34549}All that you gotta do|is just ask 'em questions...
{34561}{34597}and listen to what|they have to say and shit.
{34609}{34693}I don't know, man.|That sounds like a lot of work !
{34753}{34813}- [ Knocking ]|- Uh, just a second !
{34945}{34981}Come in. Come in.
{35016}{35053}Oh, Jim, you're here.
{35064}{35149}Uh, I was just walking|by your room and uh--
{35160}{35245}And, you know, I was thinking, "Boy,|it's been a long time since we've had...
{35256}{35293}a little|father-son, uh-uh, chat."
{35352}{35437}Oh ! I almost forgot.|I, uh, I bought some magazines.
{35448}{35508}Do you just want to flip|to the center section ?
{35568}{35628}Well, this is the--|this is the, uh, female form.
{35640}{35700}And they have|focused on the breasts,
{35712}{35820}uh, which are used primarily|to, uh, feed young infants...
{35832}{35916}- and, uh-- and also, uh, in foreplay.|- Right. [ Clears Throat ]
{35928}{36012}This is, uh--|This is Hustler.
{36023}{36108}And this is a much|more exotic magazine.
{36119}{36204}Now, they have decided to focus|on the, uh, pubic region--
{36239}{36300}- Right. Uh-huh.|- The whole groin area.
{36311}{36396}Look at the expression on her face.|You see that ? See what's she's doing ?
{36407}{36467}She's kind of looking|right into your eyes saying,
{36479}{36563}"Hey, big boy.|Hey, how ya doing ?"
{36575}{36659}- You see ?|- Right.
{36671}{36755}Shaved is a magazine|I'm not too familiar with,
{36767}{36875}- but, again,|if you flip to the center... - [ Sighs ]
{36887}{36923}[ Clears Throat ]|section--
{36935}{37043}Well, you see the detail that, uh,|that they go into in this picture here.
{37054}{37115}- Uh-huh. Yeah.|- It almost looks like a tropical plant or something...
{37126}{37163}- underwater... thing.|- Yeah. Yes.
{37174}{37235}- Do you know what a clitoris is ?|- Oh, my God.
{37246}{37283}- Well, don't say, "Oh--"|- Yes, I know what a clitoris is.
{37294}{37331}Oh, you do. Oh, I see. Yes, you do.|I forgot you've been there and back.
{37342}{37379}- You know everything--|- I've learned about it in Sex Ed--
{37390}{37451}- I really don't need you|to talk about clitoris. - I'm trying to make this painless--
{37462}{37522}- You know what ?|I'm sorry. Okay ? I'm sorry. - No-no-no.
{37534}{37594}- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.|- I'm sorry.
{37606}{37642}I shouldn't|have got hot there.
{37678}{37714}Well, you know what|I'm going to do, Jim.
{37726}{37762}I'm going to just|leave these books here...
{37774}{37834}for you to, uh, peruse at your, uh--|at your leisure.
{37870}{37930}Wait !|[ Groans ]
{38037}{38074}Well, safer|than a tube sock.
{38085}{38122}[ Sighs ]
{38133}{38218}- Okay, that-- That was good.|- Yeah.
{38277}{38362}- See you at dinner.|- Uh, yeah. I'll see you at dinner.
{38373}{38434}So, Finch,|this is your plan ?
{38445}{38505}You know, I don't think girls are|into the whole mini-golf thing.
{38517}{38553}Kevin, I'm sure|that they're not.
{38565}{38649}Actually, there is one small matter that|I need to ask for your cooperation in.
{38661}{38721}- In the spirit of this|whole pact, you know ? - Sure, what do you need ?
{38733}{38793}Whatever you hear about me, you agree.|And tell all the boys the same thing.
{38805}{38889}Look, I gotta go.|Sixteen minutes round-trip.
{38901}{38961}You know, Finch,|it's-- it's senior year.
{38973}{39033}I mean, don't you think it's time you|learned how to take a dump at school ?
{39044}{39105}When was the last time you looked|at the facilities in this school ?
{39212}{39249}[ Murmuring ]
{39260}{39321}- [ Grunts ]|- Excuse me.
{39332}{39393}Uh, that's|Paul Finch, right ?
{39404}{39464}- Yeah.|- Well, you've seen him in the locker room, right ?
{39476}{39584}- Uh, yeah.|- So, my friends, they want to know. Is it true ?
{39596}{39656}You know,|that he's... equipped.
{39668}{39752}I have no idea. Finch showers|with his bathing suit on.
{39764}{39800}I mean, uh--
{39812}{39896}As a matter of fact, it is true.|The guy's huge !
{39908}{39968}- Does he have a date for the prom yet ?|- No, definitely not.
{39980}{40016}All right. Thanks.
{40051}{40112}Oh, man !
{40123}{40232}So I was thinking maybe you could|give me some advice, brother to brother.
{40243}{40304}I thought you might know a trick|or something to make her--
{40315}{40400}- Orgasm ?|- Yeah. - What's good here ?
{40411}{40471}- Try the spicy tuna hand roll.|- What ?
{40483}{40543}- How do you do that ?|- Hey, never mind that. Listen, pay attention.
{40555}{40639}Is that all that you're interested in,|trying to get your girl into bed ?
{40651}{40711}No, it'd be good to be able|to, you know, return the favor.
{40723}{40783}Be nice to know she enjoys|things as much as I do.
{40795}{40855}See that ? That's good. That's what|I wanted to hear. Now, you qualify.
{40867}{40951}- Qualify for what ?|- My man, you've just inherited the Bible.
{41010}{41071}It originally started|as a sex manual,
{41082}{41143}this book that some guys|brought back from Amsterdam.
{41178}{41215}And each year it got passed on to one|East student who was worthy.
{41226}{41311}Now, it's full of all sorts of stuff|that guys have added over the years.
{41394}{41502}But you have to keep it a secret|and return it at the end of the year.
{41514}{41598}All right.|So now you know. Good luck.
{41778}{41814}- -** If you believe in magic -**|- -** Ooh, magic -**
{41826}{41934}-** Don't you bother to choose if it's|jug band music or rhythm and blues -**
{41946}{42006}-** Just go and listen|It will start with a smile -**
{42041}{42102}-** That won't wipe off your face|no matter how hard you try -**
{42113}{42246}-** Your feet start tapping and you can't|seem to find how you got there -**
{42257}{42318}-** Do you believe in magic -**-**
{42329}{42438}-** Scooby-dooby doo bah scoo-scooby-dooby|dooby-dooby doo bah -**
{42449}{42485}-** Yeah, magic -**-**
{42497}{42557}What was that ?
{42569}{42605}- Uh, sorry.|- No, it was good.
{42689}{42749}Well, it, uh--|It came from the heart.
{42761}{42845}Well, keep it coming.|All right, people, good work !
{42857}{42917}Now, don't forget. The state|competition's a couple of weeks away,
{42929}{42989}so keep on it, okay ?
{43240}{43301}Not bad, Chris.
{43312}{43349}Really ?
{43384}{43421}Thanks, uh,|Heather, right ?
{43432}{43468}Yeah.|[ Chuckles ]
{43480}{43540}So, you've got this sort of|Frank Sinatra thing going on.
{43552}{43660}[ Chuckles ] Right. I feel like I've|discovered this whole new side of me.
{43672}{43708}I mean, uh,|music is so expressive.
{43720}{43804}[ Chuckles ] Okay.|I mean, I agree, but...
{43816}{43876}aren't you supposed to be out,|like, trying to decapitate someone...
{43888}{43972}-with your lacrosse stick or something ?|-Oh, sure. Sure.
{43983}{44020}You know, I know what|people think. It's like,
{44031}{44092}"Oz, he's just this|kick-ass lacrosse player."
{44127}{44164}You know, I also play football,|by the way, but that's, like,
{44175}{44260}- that's not all that I am, you know ?|- Of course, I didn't--
{44271}{44356}I mean, it really bothers me when|people try to pigeonhole me like that.
{44367}{44404}You ?
{44415}{44475}You think|I don't get that ?
{44487}{44547}God, it's like just because I don't|get drunk and barf every weekend...
{44559}{44643}that people say, "Oh, look. There's|this Goody Two-Shoes choirgirl priss."
{44679}{44763}Yeah. So, like,|what else do you do ?
{44775}{44835}Well,|the same things you do,
{44847}{44907}Like hang out|with friends and stuff.
{44919}{44979}- Why ? What do you think I do ?|- Oh, I--
{44990}{45051}I just realized that I don't|know anything about you.
{45062}{45171}- I was interested.|- Oh, well, what do you want to know ?
{45182}{45243}You know,|stuff... about you.
{45326}{45363}All right.
{45374}{45482}Mom, I'm home !
{46621}{46681}[ Chattering ]
{46741}{46825}[ Moaning ]
{46837}{46873}[ Moaning Continues ]|Oh, yeah. Oh !
{46909}{46945}[ Gasps ]
{46957}{47065}- Jim !|- It's not what it looks like.
{47196}{47281}Well, we'll just tell your|mother that, uh-- that, uh--
{47292}{47329}we ate it all.
{47484}{47520}[ Sighs ]
{47940}{47976}- [ Spectators Clamoring ]|- [ Grunts ]
{48251}{48288}- [ Whistle Blows ]|- [ Cheering ]
{48299}{48360}[ P.A. Announcer ]|Goal by number eight, Chris Ostreicher.
{48467}{48503}- Nice game.|- Nice game. Good game.
{48587}{48647}Hey, what are|you doing here ?
{48659}{48743}Just enjoying my first exhilarating|lacrosse experience.
{48755}{48815}- You kicked butt.|- Oh, thanks.
{48827}{48887}- Um, Chris--|- Oh, you can call me Oz, if you want.
{48899}{48935}- Do I have to ?|- You can call me Ostreicher.
{48947}{48983}- What's your middle name ?|- Nah, forget it.
{48994}{49079}- Come on. I won't tell anyone.|- Well, neither will I.
{49090}{49175}Okay. Um.
{49186}{49247}So, I had this thought and--
{49258}{49319}It may seem like|it's way out of left field.
{49330}{49415}I don't know if you can,|but since I'm not going with anybody, I thought that maybe--
{49426}{49486}Those guys sucked ass !
{49498}{49534}Choir chick, what the hell|are you doing here ?
{49546}{49654}Well, uh, I was|asking Chris to prom.
{49666}{49702}So, do you|want to go ?
{49714}{49798}Oh, yeah !|That would be great.
{49810}{49870}Well, just don't|expect Oz to pay for the limo !
{49882}{49942}Stifler, fuck !|I mean--
{49954}{50062}Why do you got to be so|insensitive all the time ?
{50073}{50134}What ?
{50145}{50230}Whatever. Look, uh, don't forget.|My cottage after prom.
{50241}{50278}On Lake Michigan.|[ Chuckles ]
{50289}{50350}Hey, wait up, you pussies.|Where you going ?
{50361}{50469}Ah, well, I gotta--|I gotta hit the showers now,
{50481}{50565}but I think this is gonna|be really, really good.
{50577}{50661}- Yeah. Me too.|- All right.
{50673}{50709}- Bye.|- Bye. Bye.
{50841}{50925}- 'Appending Oz !|- Working with the choir chick ?
{50937}{51021}What d'ya say, fellas ? I just dig|those cute little sweaters she wears.
{51032}{51117}- [ Laughing ]|- Nuts you do, you little horn dog.
{51128}{51189}Yeah !|Yeah, baby !
{51200}{51285}[ Stifler ] Spank me ! Spank me !|Hit that high "C."
{51296}{51333}[ Falsetto ]|-** Ahhhh -**
{51344}{51405}[ Whooping, Laughing ]
{51416}{51476}Come on !|What's going on here ?
{51488}{51572}[ Laughing, Shouting Continue ]
{51608}{51644}I was being selfish|and majorly insensitive.
{51656}{51716}I'm a-- I'm a total idiot.|I mean, a fool, a buffoon.
{51728}{51788}I think shithead|really says it.
{51800}{51836}You know what ? You're right.|I'm a shithead, and I want to make it up to you.
{51848}{51884}You know what ? You're right.|I'm a shithead, and I want to make it up to you.
{51896}{51956}Oh, yeah ? How ?
{51968}{51956}Oh, yeah ? How ?
{51991}{52052}- [ Moaning ] Oh. Oh. Oh. Ohh !|- -** Don't make me -**
{52063}{52100}- -** Over -**|- Vicky. Shh. Your parents are downstairs.
{52111}{52196}- Kevin, don't stop !|- Just a second.
{52207}{52268}-** I'm rocking steady -**
{52279}{52316}-** In demonology -**
{52351}{52459}-** Hey so that you could make it -**
{52471}{52507}[ Moans ]
{52543}{52627}- -** You're really making it -**-**|- Hon, can you tell Vic to come on down for supper ?
{52639}{52771}- [ Screams ] Holy shit !|- Shh. You know there's no lock on your door ?
{52783}{52819}- -**-** [ Humming ]|- [ Moaning ]
{52855}{52891}-**-** [ Continues ]
{52903}{52963}Ohh ! I'm coming !|I'm coming !
{52974}{53035}-**-** [ Humming ]
{53094}{53131}- Oh, Jim !|- Dad.
{53142}{53203}Hi, I was just looking|at the old family portrait out here.
{53214}{53275}Well, that was|a fun day wasn't it ?
{53286}{53323}- Oh, yeah.|- Yeah.
{53334}{53443}Jim, I want to talk|about masturbation.
{53454}{53538}Now, I just want you to know that|it's-it's a perfectly normal, uh, thing.
{53550}{53586}And I have|to admit, uh, you know.
{53598}{53706}I did a fair bit of masturbating|when I was a little younger.
{53718}{53802}- I, uh-- I used to call it|"stroking the salami." - [ Groans ]
{53814}{53874}Yeah, you know,|"pounding the ol' pud."
{53886}{53946}I never did it|with baked goods.
{53958}{54042}But you know your Uncle Mort ?|He "pinched the one-eyed snake" five, six times a day.
{54053}{54138}See, it's like, uh,|practice for the big game.
{54149}{54234}You see ?|It's like-- It's like...
{54245}{54282}banging a tennis ball|against a brick wall.
{54317}{54402}Which can be fun.|It can be fun, but it's not a game.
{54413}{54449}- Right. No.|- It's not a game.
{54461}{54545}What you want is you want|a partner to return the ball.
{54557}{54641}- Do you want a partner ?|- Yeah. Yeah-Yeah, I want a partner.
{54653}{54689}- You do want a partner ?|- Oh, I want a partner.
{54701}{54785}- Want a partner. Good. Good.|- Of course.
{54797}{54833}Good.
{54845}{54929}So, once Hal becomes king,|he has to take on...
{54941}{55001}the responsibilities of leadership|and turn his back...
{55012}{55049}on his old,|drunken friend, Falstaff.
{55060}{55169}You see, Hal is going through a...|rite of passage, much like you all are.
{55180}{55265}So make most of the time you've got|left together. You'll miss it later.
{55276}{55313}- [ Teacher Continues ]|- So, does your tongue cramp up ?
{55324}{55433}- Nah. You get kind of dizzy, though.|- Wow.
{55444}{55528}That's amazing. She's probably|gonna want to do it soon.
{55564}{55648}- [ Bell Rings ]|- All right. Class dismissed.
{55708}{55816}Still questing after the Holy Grail,|huh, guys ?
{55900}{55936}Hey, uh,|where's Finch ?
{55948}{55984}- Oh, he went home to take a shit.|- [ Chuckles ]
{55995}{56032}I don't get it.|I just don't.
{56067}{56104}How does a guy like that|get this sudden reputation ?
{56115}{56200}- What reputation ?|- Observe.
{56211}{56296}Ex-Excuse me.|Do you know who Paul Finch is ?
{56307}{56368}Yeah ! He's the guy|with the tattoo, right ?
{56379}{56511}- You know, the eagle and the|blazing fire and that stuff. - [ Chuckles ]
{56523}{56607}Well, um, if you guys see him later,|will you tell him Courtney says hi ?
{56619}{56679}Bye.
{56691}{56775}- [ Scoffs ]|- Okay. Explain.
{56787}{56847}I can't. I don't|know how he's doing it.
{56859}{56919}I, uh-- I guess that|just leaves Jim trailing.
{56931}{56967}- Aw, Jimbo !|- Better sack up, buddy !
{56978}{57015}Yeah, I know.|I'm working on it, all right ?
{57050}{57087}James ?
{57098}{57135}You are very good|in the world history class, yes ?
{57146}{57231}- Me ? Y-Yes. No, uh--|- [ Mouthing Words ]
{57242}{57303}- Yes, I am.|- Perhaps you could help me with my studies.
{57314}{57375}Uh, yeah. Absolutely.
{57386}{57423}Tha-Tha-Tha-- That would be--|That would be great sometime.
{57434}{57518}- How about tomorrow ?|- Well, I have ballet practice.
{57530}{57614}Perhaps I could come|by your house afterwards ?
{57626}{57662}I could change|clothes at your place.
{57722}{57782}Oh. Uh... yeah.
{57794}{57878}I suppose that|would be okay. Sure.
{58033}{58142}- [ Engine Off ]|- Nice car !
{58153}{58190}- I'm glad you think so.|- You don't like it ?
{58201}{58286}No, I like the car.|By the way, though, about prom ?
{58297}{58358}That was a bad idea.|I'm sorry I invited you.
{58369}{58430}- What are you talking about ?|- Please.
{58441}{58525}I asked you because I thought you might|actually be worth going with.
{58537}{58597}But you are just a jock.|No, wait. You're a jerk.
{58609}{58669}Wait !|I don't understand.
{58681}{58765}I saw you making fun of me|with your lacrosse buddies.
{58777}{58813}Heather, I wasn't|making fun of you.
{58825}{58885}Gimme a break.|You're so full of it.
{58968}{59077}Fuck me ! There's gonna be an Eastern|European chick naked in your house.
{59088}{59125}And you're not gonna|do anything about that ?
{59136}{59221}What am I gonna do, huh ?|Broadcast her over the Internet ?
{59232}{59317}- Yeah.|- You can do that ?
{59400}{59484}[ Scoffs ]|No. I cannot do that to her.
{59496}{59580}Jim, get some fucking balls.
{59592}{59676}If you don't have the guts|to photograph a naked chick, how you gonna sleep with one ?
{59712}{59748}I don't like the kid,|but he's got a point.
{59760}{59820}See, even shit-brick|knows you should do it.
{59856}{59916}All you gotta do is set up some sort of|private link or whatever on the 'Net...
{59928}{59964}and tell me the address.
{59975}{60036}You can send me|the address too.
{60047}{60108}I'll save|you a seat.
{60119}{60252}-** How sweet it is|to be loved by you, by you -**
{60263}{60348}- -** I needed the shelter|of someone's arms -** - -** Someone's arms -**
{60359}{60443}- -** There you were -**|- -** You were, oh -**
{60455}{60563}-** I needed someone|who understands my ups and downs -**
{60575}{60611}-** There you were -**-**
{60623}{60707}Okay, that was good, but|I want to thicken-up that solo.
{60719}{60779}Michigan State is this Saturday,|and I want that part to smoke.
{60791}{60827}Yeah, I know,|my timing's off.
{60839}{60923}No, it's not that. I think it'll|work better as a duet with a tenor part.
{60935}{60971}I'll do it.
{61006}{61067}- [ Whispers ] Dick.|- I'll do it.
{61078}{61115}Great.|See you tomorrow.
{61174}{61211}Hmph.
{61294}{61355}- Why are you doing this ?|- 'Cause I want to.
{61366}{61427}Yeah ? Well,|you can't fake this.
{61438}{61522}You better practice.
{61558}{61594}[ Beeping ]
{61774}{61810}- [ Knocking ]|- Come in.
{61870}{61954}Jim ? There's a, uh--|a young lady here to see you.
{61965}{62026}- Hey, Nadia.|- Hi, James. Ready to study ?
{62037}{62074}Oh, he's always ready to study.|He's a real bookworm, this kid.
{62085}{62170}- Dad.|- That means-- He's not-not one of those nerdy guys but--
{62181}{62290}- Dad !|- Well, I'll-- I'll let you two hit the books.
{62397}{62457}You want a beer ?
{62469}{62553}- [ Kevin ] Oh, there we go.|- [ Little Boy ] Come on, move !
{62565}{62649}Steve ! It's my computer !|And I wanna use it !
{62661}{62697}Shut up !
{62709}{62769}Oh, you need to--|You need to change, right ?
{62781}{62841}- Uhh, do you mind ?|- No. N-No, not at all.
{62853}{62913}Uh, please, you know.|Just go ahead and get un-- get changed.
{62949}{63009}[ Clears Throat ] I'll, uh-- I'll|go downstairs and start studying up.
{63020}{63057}- [ Chuckles ] Yeah.|- Okay.
{63068}{63129}- [ Finch ] Oh--|- [ Kevin ] All right, there he goes.
{63140}{63153}Now,|we're in business.
{63164}{63177}Now,|we're in business.
{63188}{63225}-** [ Rock ]
{63236}{63273}- Back in a sec.|- Jimmy, honey, wh--
{63308}{63345}-**-** [ Continues ]
{63572}{63680}-** He pauses shaving and he tells himself|that he is the bomb -**
{63692}{63800}-** She has her curlers set, her credit|cards are paying the funds -**
{63812}{63872}- -** He's not that old I've been told -**-**|- Ah, here she is.
{63932}{63992}- Did I miss anything ?|- No. You are just in time.
{64003}{64088}- [ Boys Groaning ] Oh. Ohh !|- [ Kevin ] This is incredible.
{64099}{64160}Oh, my God !|This is too much.
{64171}{64232}[ Finch ] Oh, did you see ?|Oh, there that goes. Oh, geez.
{64243}{64280}God bless|the Internet.
{64291}{64352}- [ Jim ] Ai-yi-yi.|- Do it. Take it off.
{64363}{64424}- Oh, my God.|- [ Together ] Ohhh !
{64435}{64471}Oh, thank you, God,|for this wonderful, wonderful day.
{64507}{64591}- She takes her vitamins.|- -** And it is way too unhealthy -**
{64603}{64639}-** Often they've typically -**-**
{64651}{64687}- [ Sighs ]|- Stop hyper ventilating.
{64699}{64759}-**-** [ Continues Indistinct ]
{64819}{64927}This is, like,|the coolest thing I've ever seen.
{64939}{64999}- I know.|- [ Both Snicker ]
{65010}{65071}Can you believe-- This is definitely|one of Stifler's best ideas ever.
{65130}{65167}[ Jim ] What is she--|She's touching my stuff.
{65178}{65215}- Why is she touching my stuff ?|- [ Finch ] Man, let her touch.
{65250}{65311}- She's going through my stuff !|- Nadia can touch anything she wants.
{65466}{65526}- Oh.|- Oh, no. Oh, no.
{65538}{65598}- No, no.|- Oh, nice collection there, Jim.
{65610}{65646}She's gonna leave.|She's definitely gonna--
{65682}{65718}She's getting comfortable.|She's not gonna leave.
{65730}{65790}[ Finch ] She reads|the articles.
{65969}{66030}[ Boys Moaning ]
{66113}{66150}Is she ?
{66161}{66246}She's going downstairs.
{66257}{66318}[ Moaning ]
{66473}{66557}- Oh, my God !|- Jackpot, baby !
{66569}{66653}- Can you believe this ?|- Nadia, I would have never known.
{66665}{66701}I have an announcement|that I would like to make.
{66737}{66797}There is a gorgeous woman...|masturbating on my bed !
{66833}{66941}- [ Finch ] Thank you, Nadia !|- If you ever had a chance with Nadia, this is it.
{66953}{67061}- [ Scoffs ] What am I|supposed to do, Kev ? - Seduce her.
{67072}{67133}Wha-- What the hell|would I say ?
{67144}{67205}Go over there and ask her|if she needs an extra hand.
{67216}{67301}- That's stupid, Kev. I can't--|- That's not stupid ! You're stupid if you don't go !
{67312}{67349}Come on !|Get over there !
{67360}{67421}- Get going, man. She's prime.|- Get out of here !
{67432}{67492}- She's waiting for you.|- Okay, all right. I'm going.
{67504}{67540}- Go !|- Go ! - I'm going !
{67552}{67588}- Go ! Go ! Go ! Go !|- Oh, shit.
{67600}{67684}-**-** [ Rock ]
{67816}{67900}-** She's open|waiting for more -**
{67912}{67996}-** And I know he's only|looking to score -**
{68007}{68068}-** And it's way too unhealthy -**
{68079}{68116}- -** Often they've typically -**|- Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.
{68127}{68212}-** Been starved|for attention before -**-**
{68223}{68260}[ Exhales Sharply ]
{68271}{68332}Oh, boy. Oh, God.|Oh, crap. Oh, no.
{68343}{68428}- [ Phone Rings ]|- Hello ?
{68439}{68499}- Looks like Jim addressed|the e-mail wrong. - What ?
{68511}{68595}It went out to every mailbox|in the East High directory.
{68607}{68643}God, how juvenile.
{68655}{68691}- -**-** [ Rock ]|- Hey, hey, hey, guys !
{68703}{68787}- -** Baby -**|- Check this out ! Oh, my God ! Wow !
{68871}{68907}Oh.|[ Laughs ]
{68919}{69027}Please, God,|let this be it.
{69038}{69075}Please ?
{69086}{69171}- [ Inhales, Exhales Deeply ]|- [ Nadia Moaning, Panting ]
{69182}{69291}- S-Somebody's going in there.|- [ Whimpering, Moaning ]
{69326}{69363}Here you go.|That's what you need to do.
{69374}{69434}- That guy's in my trig class.|- Oh, no.
{69494}{69578}-Looks like you could use an extra hand.|-Jim !
{69590}{69650}- Well-- Oh, God.|- Shame on you.
{69662}{69698}Yeah, shame on me.|I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
{69710}{69746}- Uh, you know, I'm just gonna go.|- Well,
{69758}{69842}you have seen me.
{69854}{69914}Now, it's|my turn to see you.
{69950}{70034}Strip !
{70045}{70082}- Strip ?|- Slowly.
{70093}{70178}Uh, you mean,|like, strip strip ?
{70189}{70274}For me.
{70285}{70322}[ Finch ] What is he|talking to her about ?
{70333}{70441}- Uh, no idea.|- Come on, Jim. People are viewing. Get to business.
{70453}{70513}- [ Tuning Radio ]|- -**-** [ Techno ]
{70525}{70585}Perfect !
{70597}{70657}- Move, James ! Move !|- Yeah, yeah. Move.
{70813}{70849}-**-** [ Continues ]
{70861}{70921}- Go, trig boy ! It's yer birthday !|- [ Chittering ]
{71196}{71209}- No ! No. No.|- Please, God.
{71244}{71281}- [ Disappointed Muttering ]|- What's going on ?
{71412}{71472}- Yes !|- All right. Get in the mix !
{71484}{71520}- See there.|- Oh, okay.
{71580}{71688}- This is disgusting.|- What the fuck is this ?
{71748}{71784}Cut it out, man !
{71916}{71952}Yeah.
{71987}{72024}- [ Laughing ]|- [ Laughing ]
{72251}{72288}Freak.
{72395}{72431}Did not just|take out that chair.
{72443}{72527}- Yup, he took out the chair.|- More, more, you bad boy !
{72563}{72647}Oh, yeah, I'm naughty. I'm naughty,|baby. Hyah ! [ Slapping ]
{72659}{72719}- [ Groans ] Ohh, God !|- [ Chitters, Slaps ]
{72731}{72791}-** Calling your name -**
{72803}{72863}- -** Calling your name -**|- Now,
{72875}{72935}come to me.
{72947}{73007}Oh, yeah.
{73162}{73199}- Here we go.|- He's in, man.
{73234}{73247}- -** Calling -**|- This just got a hell of a lot better.
{73258}{73343}- Be gentle.|- Okay.
{73402}{73462}- -** Calling your name -**|- Uh--
{73474}{73510}- -** Calling -**|- Oh.
{73522}{73582}-** Your name -**-**
{73594}{73630}- [ Whimpers ]|- Jim ?
{73642}{73726}- Oh ! Oh, no.|- [ Both ] Oh, no.
{73738}{73798}- [ All ] Oh. Ohh !|- Liftoff aborted.
{73834}{73894}- Houston, we have a problem.|- Oh-- Uhh--
{73906}{73966}- [ Blows Air ]|- What happened ? What did he do
{73977}{74014}He blew it.
{74025}{74086}I guess|I'll be going now.
{74097}{74206}No, no, no, I'm-- I'm not done, Nadia.|I've, uh-- I've got reserves.
{74217}{74278}Nadia, please, please.|I'm begging you.
{74289}{74350}Well, I do like|your dirty magazines.
{74361}{74469}You do ? Okay. Well. Um.|Did-Did-- Did you see this one ?
{74481}{74589}This here is your-- is your more,|uh, exotic, risque magazine.
{74601}{74637}- He's pulling out the porn.|- He's desperate.
{74649}{74685}[ Finch ] Jim, just wait|till she leaves.
{74697}{74757}Very arousing women.|They arouse me-- [ Clears Throat ]
{74769}{74805}They arouse me|very, very much.
{74817}{74901}But, uh--|But not as arousing as you.
{74913}{74997}- Oh, Jim !|- Oh, God !
{75008}{75045}[ Coos ]
{75104}{75189}- [ Together ] Yes !|- [ All Exclaiming ]
{75200}{75237}He's ruining daisy !|Whoo !
{75248}{75309}-**-** [ Continues ]
{75320}{75405}So, uh, "shaved"|is the expression ?
{75488}{75524}Holy shit.
{75536}{75596}- Holy shit !|- [ All ] Holy shit !
{75632}{75668}- H-H-Holy shit !|- Touch me, Jim.
{75752}{75788}- Here.|- [ Gasps ]
{75800}{75860}[ Groans ]|Oh. Oh.
{75872}{75932}- [ Together ] Again ?|- Not again.
{75944}{76004}- Not again, man !|- Is that possible ?
{76015}{76052}What a loser.
{76063}{76076}What a loser.
{76087}{76148}[ Bell Ringing ]
{76159}{76196}- [ Laughing ]|- [ Boy ] Hey !
{76375}{76435}[ Laughing Continues ]
{76495}{76531}[ Whooping, Taunting ]
{76639}{76699}[ Chattering ]
{76711}{76819}[ Oz ] -** I needed someone|to understand my ups and downs -**
{76831}{76891}-** There you were -**
{76903}{77011}-** With sweet love|and devotion -**
{77022}{77059}-** Deeply touching|my emotion -**
{77070}{77179}-** I just wanna stop|and thank you, baby -**-**
{77238}{77299}- Hey, minute man !|- Shut up.
{77310}{77347}You know-- You know you're|supposed to be supportive.
{77358}{77442}Hey, you think you still|got a chance with Nadia ?
{77454}{77514}No. Her sponsors here|saw the thing on the 'Net.
{77526}{77562}I-I really don't|think they liked it.
{77574}{77634}How do|you know that ?
{77646}{77682}- She's already on a plane back home.|- [ Groans ]
{77694}{77730}Yeah.
{77742}{77826}You know, guys ? Maybe I'm just|not good with girls, period.
{77838}{77898}No-no-no, really-really. Like-- Like I|was born without that part of the brain.
{77910}{77946}I mean, I can't|talk to girls.
{77957}{77994}And when I do talk|to them, I screw it up.
{78029}{78090}Yeah, well, come prom those excuses|aren't going to do you any good.
{78125}{78210}- [ Sighs ]|- [ Michelle ] And one time at band camp,
{78221}{78258}we weren't supposed|to have pillow fights,
{78269}{78354}but we had a pillow fight,|and it was so much fun.
{78365}{78473}A-And this one time, we all|lost our music and we were supposed to play this song,
{78485}{78593}but we didn't know it, so we just made|it up and we kept playing and playing,
{78605}{78689}and the conductor didn't know|what we were doing, and it was so funny.
{78701}{78737}-So, you're pissed about something, huh.|-[ Scoffs ]
{78773}{78785}You know what|I do when I'm angry ?
{78821}{78881}I just play some Bach on my flute.|It's so relaxing.
{78893}{78953}- I learned to do that at band camp.|- Hold on, uh--
{78964}{79025}You have no idea|why I'm angry ?
{79060}{79121}Is it because we have a test tomorrow ?|Sometimes I get cranky...
{79132}{79193}- when I know I have|a big test to study for. - [ Laughs ]
{79204}{79289}- Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty much it.|- I thought so...
{79300}{79361}- because this one time at band camp--|- W-What's your name ?
{79372}{79409}- Michelle.|- O-Okay.
{79420}{79456}Michelle, um--
{79468}{79528}[ Chuckles ] Do you want to be|my date for the prom ?
{79540}{79624}Really ? You seriously|want to go with me ?
{79708}{79768}Yes. Seriously.
{79780}{79864}Are we going to Steve Stifler's|party afterwards ? Because that would be so cool.
{79876}{79984}- Sure, whatever you want.|- Cool ! We're gonna have such a good time.
{79995}{80128}It'll be like this one time at band camp|when we all had a campfire--
{80163}{80200}[ Knocking At Door ]
{80331}{80344}[ Siren Wailing, Distant ]
{80475}{80535}Hi.
{80547}{80631}- How'd you know I was here ?|- Stifler told me.
{80643}{80727}- Talked to Stifler ?|- Well, I needed to find you.
{80739}{80775}We're gonna have|to work on that song.
{80811}{80871}Okay.|I'm glad you came by.
{80883}{80919}So you work nights ?
{80978}{81039}- My dad's the manager.|- Really ?
{81050}{81111}Cool. Tell him|the subs are great.
{81194}{81231}-So you're going to Michigan next year ?|-Yeah.
{81242}{81303}My parents want me to go|to Northwestern, but...
{81314}{81375}I don't wanna write all those|extra essays they make you do.
{81386}{81518}I mean, how am I supposed to|know what my "most emotionally significant moment" was ?
{81530}{81638}So when my "U" of "M" acceptance came in|December, I just said the hell with it.
{81650}{81686}- Onions ?|- What ?
{81698}{81734}You, uh, want onions ?
{81746}{81782}Oh, no, thank you.
{81866}{81926}So what are you|gonna major in ?
{81938}{82022}State's got a good business|school, and I could probably walk-on to the lacrosse team.
{82033}{82118}Well, you've probably got it|pretty figured out, then, huh ?
{82129}{82214}I mean, business is okay,|and lacrosse is awesome, but...
{82225}{82286}what am I gonna be,|a professional lacrosse player ?
{82297}{82334}I really have no idea.
{82345}{82406}Thank God.|I thought I was the only one.
{82417}{82453}Well, you're not.
{82513}{82549}So we're gonna be|close next year.
{82753}{82789}You mean East Lansing|and Ann Arbor ?
{82801}{82861}Yeah.|[ Chuckling ]
{82873}{82909}[ Stifler ] What are you|talking about ?
{82921}{83005}I can't go to the prom with you.|I'm holding out for someone else.
{83016}{83053}[ Laughing ]|You gotta be fucking kidding me.
{83064}{83173}I know it's a long shot, but I figure|Paul Finch might ask me.
{83184}{83269}Finch.|Shit-brick.
{83280}{83341}Oh, gosh.|I-I forgot.
{83352}{83389}[ Stammering ]|You look okay.
{83400}{83484}I-I mean, the scars|healed really well.
{83496}{83532}- Hey, Stifler.|- Eat shit.
{83616}{83628}What was that|all about ?
{83664}{83748}- He's still embarrassed|because Finch kicked his ass. - Who told you that ?
{83760}{83796}What do you mean,|"no comment" ?
{83808}{83868}- Did you two hook up or something ?|- What, are you kidding ? No.
{83880}{83964}Then how did all this|get started ?
{83975}{84036}Well, I guess it's all right|for me to tell you now.
{84047}{84132}That reputation of his isn't|going anywhere. Cheese, please.
{84143}{84204}Finch comes up to me|and says, "Jessica,
{84215}{84252}I need your help with this,|blah, blah, etcetera."
{84263}{84324}So I said, "All right.|Pay me 200 bucks,
{84335}{84396}and I'll tell a couple of girls|that you're dynamite in bed."
{84407}{84443}So he did,|and I did.
{84479}{84515}- That actually works ?|- Well, duh ! Of course.
{84527}{84563}Naturally, I embellished|a little bit.
{84575}{84635}Did you hear that Finch had|an affair with an older woman ?
{84647}{84683}[ Chuckling ]|No, I didn't hear that one.
{84695}{84731}That one was my favorite.
{84767}{84803}[ Laughing ]|Do that cheerleader.
{84815}{84875}- -** Thank you, baby -**|- She wants me. She calls me up--
{84887}{84995}-** How sweet it is|to be loved by you -**-**
{85006}{85067}Oh, my God,|you're gay !
{85078}{85115}Sing it with me.|You know the words.
{85126}{85187}No, thanks, man. You've been|singing that shit all week.
{85198}{85283}If you try that at M.S.U.|this Saturday, I'll kick your ass.
{85294}{85331}Our last game|is this Saturday.
{85342}{85379}[ Snickers ]|Yeah, well, shit.
{85462}{85546}I've got this lacrosse game. It's|really important. It's our last game.
{85558}{85642}Central almost beat us last time, so|this time I really wanna kick their ass.
{85654}{85714}But it's gonna be cool,|because the game's at State,
{85726}{85786}which means afterwards|I'll be able to stop by.
{85798}{85834}So you can't sing|at the competition.
{85846}{85882}[ Sighing ] Heather, I'm sorry.|I totally blew it.
{85894}{86002}It's okay. You should...|do what makes you happy.
{86061}{86146}All right. Listen,|thanks for understanding.
{86157}{86194}Yeah.
{86205}{86266}So, uh, I guess|I'll see you later ?
{86277}{86338}Mm-hmm.
{86565}{86625}[ Whistling ]
{86637}{86697}Hey, Kevin.
{86709}{86817}- You seen shit-brick lately ?|- Why ? What did you do to him ?
{86829}{86865}Me ? Nothing.
{86877}{86937}See, I'm the one|whose ass he kicked.
{86948}{87009}But, uh, I'll tell you|one thing, though.
{87020}{87105}I don't think he's gonna have a problem|shitting in school anymore.
{87116}{87153}Slipped a little something|into his mochaccino.
{87212}{87273}Oh, God !
{87308}{87345}Oh ! Oh !
{87356}{87416}[ Panting ]
{87500}{87536}Jesus.
{87572}{87608}Right this way,|sir.
{87764}{87824}Oh, God.|[ Farting ]
{87955}{88016}[ Farting ]
{88171}{88208}[ Farting ]
{88507}{88567}- [ Girls Laughing ]|- Oh, no.
{88603}{88639}It's gonna be fun.
{88651}{88687}[ Girl #2 ] You know it's just gonna be|some crappy band and stupid decorations.
{88699}{88783}[ Girl #1 ] You're just saying|that because prom's a week away and you don't have a date.
{88795}{88855}[ Girl #2 ] No, no, no.|I don't want a date.
{88867}{88951}- Finch is going stag and... so am I.|- [ Groaning ]
{88962}{89047}God, he's like so...|refined.
{89058}{89119}- [ Groans ]|- You think that older woman thing is true ?
{89130}{89191}Yeah, it's true.|It was Stifler's mom.
{89202}{89239}[ Farting ]
{89250}{89335}- [ Continues Farting ]|- Joanie, was that you ?
{89346}{89383}- Oh !|- Can't hold it.
{89394}{89454}Oh !|[ Loud Farting ]
{89514}{89550}[ Groaning ]
{89562}{89598}Eww !
{89610}{89670}[ Groaning ]
{89922}{90030}[ Whistling ]
{90041}{90102}[ Laughter ]
{90161}{90246}- Yeah !|- [ Laughter Continues ]
{90257}{90318}[ Vicky ] Kev ?|I think we've come...
{90329}{90413}- a really long way since homecoming.|- Yeah, we have.
{90425}{90461}Maybe it's time...
{90473}{90557}we start to express ourselves|in new ways.
{90569}{90605}- Yeah.|- You wanna do it ?
{90617}{90677}- Yeah.|- I love you.
{90737}{90773}It's your turn.
{90809}{90869}That's not|what I was thinking.
{90881}{90965}Sex. It's always|about sex.
{90976}{91037}It's not|always about sex.
{91048}{91109}I just thought it was|about sex this time.
{91216}{91301}Look, Vicky, love is a term|that gets thrown around,
{91312}{91349}and-and people|don't mean it.
{91360}{91420}When I say it, I want it|to be more than words.
{91432}{91492}- You know ? I want it to be--|- Perfect.
{91552}{91588}Exactly.
{91600}{91660}- [ Choir Director ] Okay, Albert.|You ready ? - No problemo.
{91696}{91780}-** I close my eyes|at night -**
{91792}{91852}Come on, Heather.|Work with me here.
{91864}{91900}[ Crowd Applauding, Cheering ]
{91983}{92044}- [ Whistle Blows ]|- [ Announcer ] Goal, Ostreicher !
{92055}{92140}- All right, Oz !|- Atta boy, Ozzie !
{92151}{92188}Whoo !|Yeah, baby !
{92199}{92236}- We're crushing you losers !|- Let's go, fellas !
{92247}{92284}Come on !|Whoo-hoo !
{92343}{92451}-** Bumblebee, bumblebee,|bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee -**
{92463}{92499}Focus on the music.|Think melody.
{92511}{92571}- Let the music be my guide.|- That would be a start.
{92847}{92883}Who's the man ?|Stifler !
{92966}{93003}[ Coach ]|Huddle up, guys ! Huddle up !
{93206}{93291}Huddle up !|Come on ! Okay.
{93302}{93339}All right, all right !
{93350}{93387}- Good hustle, guys.|- Good hustle.
{93398}{93506}But you can still lose. You all saw|what happened to Oz out there.
{93518}{93626}I don't want to ever see any of you|thinking you're gonna score.
{93638}{93698}You don't score|until you score.
{93734}{93770}- Until you score.|- That's right, baby !
{93782}{93818}[ Coach ] It all boils down|to today.
{93830}{93914}For you seniors,|this marks the culmination...
{93926}{93986}- of the past four years.|- Culmination.
{94021}{94106}[ Coach ] I want you to think about|what this means to you.
{94117}{94178}Do you guys wanna look back|on your days at East...
{94189}{94274}and know that you used|the time you had ?
{94285}{94346}- Hell, yeah !|- You do !
{94405}{94465}- Ah ! Good attitude, Ostreicher.|- Good luck, fellas.
{94477}{94561}Christ, I didn't tell ya|to leave the game.
{94573}{94609}I'm sorry, Coach.
{94621}{94681}You got someplace more important|to be, Ostreicher ?
{94693}{94729}Yeah.
{94741}{94777}Ostreicher !
{94813}{94897}Oz ?|Fuckface ?
{94909}{94969}[ Coach ] Ostreicher !
{95580}{95616}- Hey, Oz !|- Ozmeister !
{95652}{95688}- [ Albert ] Oh, great.|- What about the game ?
{95700}{95760}- I'm not playing.|- You're missing the game for us ?
{95772}{95832}No, I'm missing the game|for you.
{95916}{96000}- D-Does this mean I'm not|gonna get to do the duet ? - Albert, you suck.
{96131}{96168}I don't think|he's coming back.
{96179}{96216}[ Heather ] -** Close my eyes at night -**
{96227}{96336}- -** Close my eyes -**|- -** Wondering where would I be without you in my life -**
{96347}{96431}- -** Oh -**|- -** Everything I did was just a bore -**
{96443}{96551}- -** Just a bore -**|- -** Everywhere I went seems I been there before -**
{96563}{96671}[ Together ] -** But you brighten up|for me all of my days -**
{96683}{96743}- -** With a love so sweet -**|- -** In so many ways -**
{96755}{96791}-** I just wanna stop -**
{96803}{96911}- -** And thank you, baby -**|- [ All ] -** I just wanna stop -**
{96923}{96983}- -** And thank you, baby -**|- -** Thank you, baby -**
{96994}{97103}-** How sweet it is|to be loved by you -**-**
{97114}{97175}[ Audience Applauding ]
{97186}{97223}Yeah, Oz !|You fucking rule !
{97234}{97295}- Fucking rule !|- Yeah !
{97378}{97414}[ Vicky ] Maybe the words|aren't that important.
{97426}{97462}It's like, I know he|really cares about me, you know ?
{97474}{97510}Even if he can't|say it, he does.
{97522}{97606}And yeah, he always talks about sex, but|that's okay, 'cause he's a guy, right ?
{97618}{97678}- He's got a dick. He's a guy.|- Right.
{97690}{97726}Wait. Is this|translation right ?
{97738}{97798}"Go home, bird teacher.|I've had enough."
{97810}{97870}I don't know.|I got it from Kevin.
{97882}{97966}- So, does it hurt ?|- What ?
{97977}{98038}You know-- sex.|Does it hurt ?
{98049}{98134}Yeah. I mean, the first time you do it,|you know, it hurts.
{98145}{98230}But then you, you do it again|and again and again--
{98241}{98326}It just starts to feel good.|Really good.
{98337}{98398}Okay, so say|I don't do it.
{98409}{98517}And then I go off to college. I might|end up doing it with some random guy...
{98529}{98589}- who totally turns out to be a jerk.|- This is true.
{98601}{98661}And I'll wish I would've|done it with Kevin.
{98673}{98709}So go do it with Kevin.
{98745}{98805}- You think ?|- Yeah. You're-- You're ready.
{98817}{98901}- You're woman. Look at you.|You're ready for sex. - You're right.
{98913}{98949}- I know.|- I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna have sex.
{98984}{99021}- Now.|- And it's gonna be right, and it's gonna be just perfect.
{99032}{99069}- Perfect sex.|- Thanks, Jessica.
{99104}{99141}Please.
{99152}{99213}[ Whispering ]|Kevin.
{99224}{99261}Kevin.
{99320}{99381}- [ Whispering ] I wanna have sex.|- [ Loud ] Now ?
{99512}{99548}Prom.
{99608}{99740}-** As you walk up those steps|and garner your award -**
{99752}{99836}-** Try not to forget about me -**
{99848}{99908}-** 'Cause I was there when you|had no one else to hold -**
{99991}{100052}-** You used to look|just like a saint -**
{100063}{100100}-** And stumble into walls -**
{100111}{100196}-** You're a guy's|very own quarantine -**
{100207}{100292}-** You used to never|think you'd ever grow old -**-**
{100567}{100603}[ Jim's Dad ] You must be excited|about the big night tonight.
{100615}{100675}Thrilled.
{100687}{100699}Who's the lucky girl ?
{100711}{100747}Who's the lucky girl ?
{100759}{100795}Michelle.
{100807}{100867}- Michelle.|- Yeah.
{100879}{100963}- She must be very special.|- Oh, she's special, all right.
{100974}{101035}I'm sure she is special if you|picked her out of the whole bunch.
{101118}{101179}[ Clears Throat ] Jim, I'm just gonna|say one thing...
{101190}{101227}before you leave|tonight.
{101262}{101371}I want you to be very,|very careful...
{101382}{101418}when you're|putting on...
{101430}{101490}the corsage.
{101574}{101610}Okay, Dad.
{101622}{101658}- Promise me.|- I promise.
{102173}{102258}-** Midnight at the oasis -**
{102293}{102354}-** Send your camel to bed -**
{102413}{102497}-** Shadows painting our faces -**
{102509}{102569}-** Traces -**
{102581}{102665}-** Of romance in our heads -**
{102677}{102737}-** Heaven's holding a half-moon -**
{102797}{102857}-** Shining just for us -**
{102917}{103001}-** Let's slip off|to a sand dune -**
{103012}{103049}-** Real soon -**
{103060}{103121}-** And kick up a little dust -**
{103132}{103241}-** Come on|Cactus is our friend -**
{103252}{103361}-** He'll point out the way -**
{103372}{103408}You know, at band camp|we have dances like this,
{103420}{103480}only they're way funner.
{103516}{103576}-** Till the evening ends -**-**
{103588}{103696}-** Hey, hey, hey|Oooh -**
{103828}{103888}[ Kevin ] All right, status check.|Where do you guys stand ?
{103923}{103984}Finch, we know where you are,|but can't really use that as an excuse.
{103995}{104032}Jim ?
{104043}{104152}Uh, my date's a flute-toting band dork.|Does that answer your question ?
{104163}{104224}Oz, is this vocal-jazz shit|gonna pay off or what ?
{104235}{104296}Kevin, what's with|the attitude ?
{104307}{104368}Attitude ? Me ?
{104379}{104439}I think you guys should be|a little more enthusiastic.
{104451}{104487}This is the night|we've been waiting for.
{104499}{104559}We're in this together.|You guys can't back out.
{104571}{104631}Kev, you don't need us to get laid.|Are you afraid or something ?
{104643}{104727}No. Come on.|We made a pact.
{104739}{104799}You can't break that.|You guys are gonna have to--
{104811}{104895}Have to what, Kev, huh ?|I don't have to do shit.
{104907}{104991}Forget it already. I am so sick|and tired of all this bullshit pressure.
{105002}{105087}I've never even had sex, and already,|I can't stand it. I hate sex !
{105122}{105183}And I'm not gonna stand around here|busting my balls over something that,
{105194}{105231}quite frankly,|isn't that damn important.
{105242}{105279}I'm gonna go hang out|with that geek over there...
{105290}{105351}'cause at least she has something else|to talk about besides sex.
{105362}{105398}Goddamn.
{105458}{105518}Yeah.
{105530}{105590}You know, at least I learned|how to shit in school, buddy.
{105626}{105662}Hey, Finch.
{105674}{105710}- Wanna dance ?|- Yeah.
{105722}{105806}-** Oooh -**
{105866}{105926}- How come you have no date ?|- I like to keep my options open.
{105937}{105974}I got something for you.
{106033}{106094}Consider it|a consolation prize.
{106177}{106238}Jessica, this is great !|Wow !
{106249}{106334}- Felt sorta guilty
{106345}{106405}No, I spent 50 on the flask,|150 on the earrings.
{106465}{106501}- These are, uh--|- Let me just clarify...
{106513}{106621}- that you have no chance|of scoring with me, Finch. - Of course not !
{106633}{106669}So I take it you and Sherman|are pretty close, huh ?
{106705}{106741}You met at that party|a while back, right ?
{106753}{106789}Yeah, we were|up all night together.
{106801}{106861}We had one of those|amazingly deep conversations...
{106873}{106933}where you feel like|you really get to know someone.
{106944}{107005}[ Chuckling ]|Deep conversation, huh ?
{107016}{107053}Is that|what you call it ?
{107088}{107125}What else|would I call it ?
{107280}{107317}Thank you, Great Falls.
{107328}{107389}We're gonna take a little break.|You are beautiful.
{107520}{107556}[ Boy ] You suck !
{107568}{107604}[ Microphone Feedback ]
{107640}{107676}Excuse me, everyone.
{107688}{107724}Sorry to interrupt.
{107736}{107796}I just thought|you all should know this.
{107808}{107868}Chuck Sherman is a liar.
{107880}{107916}I never had sex with him.
{107927}{108012}He's never had sex with anyone.|I know this because he told me.
{108023}{108108}Once he tried to screw|a grapefruit, but that's all.
{108119}{108204}Oh. He also told me that when he gets|nervous, he sometimes wets his pants.
{108215}{108300}- Thank you for your time.|- [ Crowd Chattering, Laughing ]
{108431}{108467}[ Jim Clears Throat ]
{108623}{108683}- [ Jim ] Guess what ?|- Not interested.
{108695}{108779}Kevin. Come on, man. The bus|to Stifler's is gonna be here soon.
{108791}{108827}- I'm not going.|- [ Jim ] What ?
{108839}{108923}Why not ?
{108934}{109043}Look, things didn't really|turn out how I wanted them to.
{109054}{109091}I mean, I don't even|know what I'm doing.
{109102}{109187}I-I'm acting like I've got|everything together tonight.
{109198}{109259}I know that Vicky's gonna|ask me if I love her, and...
{109270}{109307}I don't know|what I'm gonna say.
{109318}{109355}I mean,|I'm on the brink.
{109366}{109450}I'm just about to do it.|I should be psyched.
{109462}{109546}I don't know. Maybe you're right.|Maybe I am just scared.
{109558}{109642}[ Scoffs ] Come on, Kev.|Tonight is the night.
{109654}{109738}We-We are finally going|to a post-prom party on the lake.
{109750}{109786}We have been waiting for this|for four years.
{109798}{109858}Why else have we been friends|with Stifler all this time, right ?
{109894}{109954}We were friends|with Stifler ?
{109965}{110002}Hey, look.
{110037}{110098}Sherman didn't even|get laid.
{110109}{110146}- He didn't ?|- No, he pissed himself.
{110181}{110218}- [ Laughing ]|- What ?
{110253}{110290}We'll tell you|on the bus.
{110301}{110386}I'm gonna go inside|and grab my bag.
{110397}{110433}My date too, perhaps ?
{110493}{110529}[ Jim ] Stifler's mom|got it in the divorce.
{110541}{110577}[ Michelle ] That reminds me|of this one time--
{110589}{110649}Hey, can I ask you|a question ?
{110661}{110721}How come you don't have any stories ?|I've got lots of them,
{110733}{110769}and you don't have any.
{110781}{110841}Oh, I've got stories.|Believe me. They're just, uh--
{110853}{110913}They're just a little|more risque than tales of band camp.
{110924}{111033}Are they gross or something ?|Like guy stuff ? Tell me !
{111044}{111081}Okay.|You want a story ?
{111092}{111129}Here's a story.|Stifler finds this beer--
{111236}{111321}- [ Kevin ] This is|the nicest room in the house. - Kev, it's perfect.
{111596}{111656}- [ Vicky Screams ]|- You guys are gonna fuck, aren't ya ?
{111668}{111728}Fuckers !|Fuckers, fuckers !
{111740}{111776}Fuckers,|fuckers, fuckers !
{111836}{111872}- Out.|- Aw, come on !
{111884}{111944}- Get out.|- Aw, man !
{112003}{112088}- [ Laughing ]|- [ Laughing ]
{112387}{112423}There's something|I've been meaning to tell you, Heather.
{112435}{112471}What's that ?
{112483}{112543}It's gonna sound|really bad, but, uh,
{112555}{112591}I want you to know.
{112603}{112663}You see, uh,
{112675}{112783}I'm a virgin,|and, uh--
{112795}{112831}Well, me, Kevin, Jim|and Finch were--
{112843}{112903}We all made this pact...
{112914}{112975}that we would|lose our virginity...
{112986}{113023}before high school|was over,
{113034}{113095}and tonight is supposed|to be the night that we all do it.
{113154}{113191}This isn't the best way|to proposition me.
{113202}{113263}No, that's--|That's not what I mean.
{113274}{113335}W-What I mean is, uh--
{113370}{113406}Look, do you know|what made me leave that game ?
{113418}{113502}See, Coach, he was giving us|this speech about...
{113514}{113574}not slacking off when you see|the opportunity to score--
{113586}{113622}This isn't any better,|Chris.
{113634}{113670}No, you see--|You see, Heather,
{113706}{113742}what I realized is that...
{113754}{113862}with you, it's...|not like I'm running towards a goal...
{113874}{113934}Looking for|the best way to score.
{113945}{114030}This may sound|a little corny, but...
{114041}{114078}I feel like|I've already won.
{114161}{114246}And, uh,|I care about you a lot.
{114281}{114342}Oz, I know.
{114377}{114437}- You called me Oz.|- Well, yeah.
{114449}{114485}It's what your friends|call you.
{114497}{114557}I mean, I feel like I'm|one of your friends now.
{114569}{114653}And... your girlfriend ?
{114713}{114821}-** Ain't never thought that|I could love like this -**
{114833}{114893}-** This feeling inside me|is growing -**
{114905}{115013}-** I never thought that|you would care -**-**
{115480}{115516}Are ya lost ?
{115624}{115684}You're Stifler's mom.|Uh--
{115696}{115756}No, no, not lost.|Just, um,
{115768}{115804}you know,|taking the tour.
{115888}{115972}Hey, uh, thank you for letting|us have this wonderful party.
{115983}{116020}As if there was|an alternative in the matter.
{116151}{116212}So, you enjoying yourself ?
{116223}{116284}I'm... three sheets|to the wind, ma'am.
{116295}{116356}I'm so happy for you.
{116367}{116403}But it takes the edge off,|doesn't it ?
{116463}{116523}- Where's your little date tonight ?|- No date. It was--
{116535}{116571}It was a bathroom incident.
{116607}{116691}- Pardon me ?|- Never mind.
{116799}{116835}You have|anything to drink ?
{116847}{116883}I believe the kegs|are upstairs.
{116942}{116979}That is what|the cretins drink.
{116990}{117027}I'm talking about|alcohol, liquor.
{117038}{117099}- The good stuff.|- All right.
{117158}{117195}I got some scotch.
{117206}{117315}- Single malt ?|- Aged 18 years.
{117326}{117363}The way I like it.
{117446}{117506}Why don't you go|grab a glass from the bar ?
{117566}{117626}I think I should.
{117638}{117674}Allow me.
{117710}{117746}You know it's|a bitching party.
{117758}{117818}The Stif-man|always comes through in the clutch.
{117902}{117986}[ Jim Laughs ] And then he just|puked his brains out.
{117997}{118058}- That is a nasty story.|- Yep, I told you.
{118069}{118106}Do you want to hear|a nasty story of mine ?
{118117}{118154}It's sort of sexual.
{118213}{118274}Yeah !|Yeah, let's hear it.
{118285}{118393}Okay, well, this one time at band camp,|we were playing this game.
{118405}{118465}I don't know if you know it,|but it's called "Spin the Bottle."
{118477}{118561}And I had to kiss this guy|named Mark Wander on the lips.
{118573}{118609}And-And he plays|trombone--
{118621}{118681}[ Kevin ] So how do you|want to be ?
{118693}{118753}Like... how do you|want to do it ?
{118789}{118849}I don't know.|How do you ?
{118861}{118969}Like... normal style.|The missionary position.
{119004}{119041}Okay.
{119196}{119257}Kev ?
{119268}{119305}- Yeah ?|- I wanna hear you say it.
{119316}{119353}Okay.
{119436}{119496}Victoria,
{119508}{119544}I love you.
{119580}{119640}I love you.
{119915}{119976}-** Don't stray -**
{119987}{120024}-** Don't ever go away -**
{120035}{120096}-** I should be|much too smart for this -**
{120107}{120168}-** You know it gets|the better of me -**
{120179}{120264}-** Sometimes|when you and I collide -**
{120275}{120336}- -** I fall into an ocean of you -**|- Oh. My hair.
{120347}{120383}-** Pull me out in time -**
{120395}{120431}- [ Gasps ]|- -** Don't let me drown -**
{120443}{120503}-** Let me down -**
{120515}{120551}You okay ?
{120563}{120647}Yeah. Go slow.
{120659}{120719}-** Say you'll stay -**
{120731}{120791}-** Don't come and go -**
{120803}{120839}-** Like you do -**
{120899}{120959}-** Sway my way -**
{120970}{121031}-** Yeah, I need to know -**
{121042}{121103}-** All about you -**
{121138}{121199}-** Say you'll stay -**-**
{121210}{121271}So the end of the story|is you...
{121282}{121319}had to kiss the guy|for 20 seconds.
{121330}{121414}Yes ! And he was such a dork.|Everyone laughed at me...
{121426}{121510}- but I didn't care|because it was so funny. - I get it.
{121522}{121606}And this one time at band camp,|I stuck a flute in my pussy.
{121618}{121654}Hmm.|[ Sputters ]
{121666}{121702}[ Coughs ]|Excuse me ?
{121714}{121774}What ? You don't think I know|how to get myself off ?
{121786}{121870}Hell, that's what|half of band camp is-- Sex Ed.
{121882}{121942}So are we gonna screw soon,|'cause I'm getting kinda antsy.
{122169}{122206}This'll do. Whoo-hoo !
{122265}{122350}- [ Toy Squeaks ]|- [ Grunts ] Ow !
{122361}{122397}Now, I have two rubbers.|Wear them both. It'll desensitize you.
{122409}{122469}Now, I have two rubbers.|Wear them both. It'll desensitize you.
{122481}{122517}I don't want you coming|so damn early this time.
{122577}{122637}What makes you think|that I would come early ?
{122649}{122733}Come on. I saw you on the 'Net.|Why do you think I accepted this date ?
{122745}{122805}- You're a sure thing.|- [ Scoffs ]
{122865}{122925}Yes, I am.
{122936}{123021}So I said, "This is very obviously|a Piero della Francesca."
{123032}{123093}[ Laughing ]|Hmm.
{123224}{123333}So, uh, would you object if I said|that you were quite striking ?
{123344}{123452}Mr. Finch, are you|trying to seduce me ?
{123464}{123524}- Yes, ma'am, I am.|- -** And here's to you -**
{123536}{123572}-** Mrs. Robinson -**
{123584}{123668}-** Jesus loves you more|than you will know -**
{123680}{123740}-** Whoa, whoa, whoa -**
{123752}{123812}-** Stand up tall, Mrs. Robinson -**
{123824}{123908}- Mmm, you're dead.|- -** God in heaven smiles on those who pray -**
{123919}{123980}-** Hey, hey, hey -**
{123991}{124028}- -** Hey, hey, hey -**-**|- [ Pool Balls Clacking ]
{124039}{124076}- -** Hey, hey, hey -**-**|- [ Pool Balls Clacking ]
{124087}{124148}-** Sway my way -**
{124159}{124220}-** Yeah, I need to know -**
{124231}{124292}-** All about you -**
{124303}{124364}-** And there's no cure -**
{124375}{124435}-** And no way to be sure -**
{124447}{124483}-** Why everything's|turned inside out -**
{124495}{124531}-** Instilling so much doubt -**
{124543}{124603}-** It makes me so tired -**
{124615}{124675}-** I feel so uninspired -**
{124687}{124723}-** My head is battling|with my heart -**
{124735}{124819}-** My logic has been torn apart|And now -**-**
{124831}{124891}- [ Stifler's Mom ] I had|no idea you'd be this good. - Neither did I.
{124902}{124939}[ Moaning ]|Oh, Finchy. Finch.
{124950}{125011}- Oh, Stifler's mom, whoa !|- Finchy !
{125118}{125155}[ Toy Squeaks ]
{125166}{125227}- [ Toy Squeaking ]|- Okay, let's go.
{125238}{125299}What's my name ?|Say my name, bitch !
{125310}{125347}Michelle, Michelle.
{125382}{125418}[ Jim ] Oh, God.
{126101}{126138}That was|a great night, huh ?
{126197}{126234}Yeah.
{126293}{126354}I mean, I just can't believe|we had our senior prom.
{126365}{126449}I know.|It went by so fast.
{126461}{126521}Yeah, it did.
{126533}{126569}Kevin ?
{126701}{126737}Next year with you|going to Ann Arbor...
{126749}{126809}and me going to Ithaca,
{126845}{126905}it's not gonna work,|is it ?
{126916}{126953}No.|Don't say that.
{126964}{127001}I mean,|we could make it work.
{127060}{127097}- It'll be perfect.|- No, Kevin.
{127156}{127193}-But--|-See, that's what I've been realizing...
{127228}{127265}is that...|nothing's perfect.
{127276}{127384}And you can't|plan everything.
{127396}{127480}Well, I guess... you will|be pretty far away.
{127516}{127576}And we'll be on our own,|meeting new people.
{127684}{127720}Last night, though.
{127828}{127888}I wasn't lying.
{127923}{127960}I know.
{128355}{128415}She's gone.|Wha--
{128427}{128463}Oh, my God.|She used me.
{128499}{128511}I was used.
{128571}{128655}I was used.|Cool !
{128715}{128751}What's this door locked--
{128763}{128799}Mom, where's--
{128859}{128943}- Mom ? Shit-brick ?|- [ Finch ] Hey, Stifler.
{129002}{129087}-** Do do do do do do do -**
{129098}{129159}[ Finch ] I just gotta say that women,
{129170}{129231}Like a fine wine,|only get better with age.
{129266}{129327}Of course, I have|no basis for comparison, but, uh,
{129362}{129374}it was good.
{129410}{129446}So you almost made it,|huh, Oz ?
{129458}{129542}- I'll just say that|we had a great night together. - Hang in there, buddy.
{129554}{129662}- You'll get there.|- You know, guys, I think we're falling in love.
{129674}{129758}Wha-- [ Chuckles ]|Wow.
{129770}{129806}That's great, man.|That's awesome.
{129866}{129902}Y-You know what|the coolest thing is, guys ?
{129913}{129974}This.|You know, right now.
{129985}{130046}It's true. I mean, after this,|everything's gonna be different.
{130057}{130142}After... getting laid ?
{130153}{130214}- After high school.|- Here's to the next step.
{130225}{130286}- To the next step.|- To the next step. - To the next step.
{130345}{130405}-** Do do do do do do do -**
{130417}{130477}-** Do do do do do do do -**
{130489}{130525}-** Do do do do do do do -**
{130537}{130573}-** Do do do do do do do -**-**
{130729}{130837}-** Chickety China, the Chinese|chicken, have a drumstick and your brain stops ticking -**
{130849}{130885}-** Watching X Files|with no lights on -**
{130896}{130933}-** We're dans la maison|I hope the Smoking Man's in this one -**
{130944}{130981}-** Like Harrison Ford|I'm getting frantic -**
{130992}{131005}-** Like Sting I'm tantric|Like Snickers guaranteed to satisfy -**
{131016}{131029}-** Like Sting I'm tantric|Like Snickers guaranteed to satisfy -**
{131040}{131077}-** Like Kurosawa|I make mad films -**
{131088}{131125}-** Okay, I don't make films|but if I did they'd have a samurai -**
{131160}{131173}-** Gonna get a set of better clubs,|gonna find the kind with tiny nubs -**
{131208}{131245}-** So my irons aren't always|flying off the backswing -**
{131256}{131293}-** Gonna get in tune|with Sailor Moon 'cause that cartoon -**
{131304}{131341}-** Has got the boom anima babes|that make me think the wrong thing -**
{131352}{131388}-** How can I help it if I think|you're funny when you're mad -**
{131400}{131436}-** Trying hard not to smile|though I feel bad -**
{131448}{131484}-** I'm the kinda guy|who laughs at a funeral -**
{131496}{131532}- Sweetheart ?|- -** Can't understand what I mean You soon will -**
{131544}{131604}-** It's been one week|since you looked at me -**
{131616}{131628}-** Dropped your eyes to the side|and said, I'm sorry -**-**
{131640}{131652}-** Dropped your eyes to the side|and said, I'm sorry -**-**
{131664}{131748}-** Hello to your mother|your brother significant other -**
{131760}{131844}-** I am the summertime -**
{131856}{131988}-** And I'm here|to free your mind -**
{131999}{132084}-** Kick off your shoes the blues|and use anything but your mind -**
{132095}{132204}-** 'Cause this is|the summertime -**
{132215}{132324}-** And it's here|to free your mind -**
{132335}{132443}-** How many other people|can you save today -**
{132455}{132563}-** Don't you think it's high time|that you sail away -**
{132575}{132683}-** Leave today|Don't fall behind -**
{132695}{132779}-** Try something new, turn into you|if only for a short time -**
{132791}{132899}-** I am the summertime -**
{132910}{133019}-** And I'm here|to free your mind -**-**
{133270}{133307}-** Love is tragic|Love is bold -**
{133318}{133378}-** You will always|do what you are told -**
{133510}{133570}-** Love is hard|Love is strong -**
{133582}{133642}-** You will never say|that you were wrong -**
{133774}{133810}-** I don't know|when I got bitter -**
{133822}{133930}-** Love is surely better|when it's gone -**
{133989}{134026}-** 'Cause you wanted more -**
{134037}{134098}-** More than I could give -**
{134109}{134146}-** More than I could handle -**
{134157}{134218}-** And a life that I can't live -**
{134253}{134290}-** You wanted more -**
{134301}{134338}-** More than I could bear -**
{134373}{134409}-** More than I could offer -**
{134421}{134505}-** And a love that isn't there -**
{134781}{134817}-** Love is color|Love is love -**
{134829}{134889}-** Love is never saying|you're too proud -**
{135020}{135081}-** Love is trusting|Love is honest -**
{135092}{135153}-** Love is not a hand|that holds you down -**
{135284}{135321}-** I don't know|when I got bitter -**
{135332}{135440}-** Love is surely better|when it's gone -**
{135500}{135536}-** 'Cause you wanted more -**
{135548}{135608}-** More than I could give -**
{135620}{135656}-** More than I could handle -**
{135668}{135728}-** And a life that I can't live -**
{135764}{135800}-** You wanted more -**
{135812}{135848}-** More than I could bear -**
{135884}{135920}-** More than I could offer -**
{135931}{136016}-** And a love that isn't there -**
{136099}{136184}-** I gotta pick me up|when I am down -**
{136243}{136304}-** I gotta get my feet|back on the ground -**
{136363}{136471}-** I gotta pick me up|when I am down -**
{136723}{136783}-** I don't know|when I got bitter -**
{136795}{136879}-** But love is surely better|when it's gone -**
{136962}{136999}-** 'Cause you wanted more -**
{137010}{137071}-** More than I could give -**
{137082}{137119}-** More than I could handle -**
{137130}{137191}-** And a life that I can't live -**
{137202}{137214}-** You wanted more -**-**
