1
00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:28,497
<i>Where's my suitcase?</i>

2
00:01:32,876 --> 00:01:34,275
Miss. Young lady!

3
00:01:34,477 --> 00:01:36,342
Excuse me. Girls!

4
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:39,378
Hey, little fella. Hey!

5
00:01:39,582 --> 00:01:41,948
Excuse me, girls. Girls!

6
00:01:42,819 --> 00:01:43,717
Hey, big fella!

7
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:46,184
Help me make the beds
in the living room.

8
00:01:46,389 --> 00:01:47,549
Come on down here!

9
00:01:47,757 --> 00:01:49,691
Hey, son!

10
00:01:50,627 --> 00:01:53,960
Big fella.
Hey, little guy! Little guy!

11
00:01:55,398 --> 00:01:58,094
Pete's brother
and his family are here.

12
00:01:58,301 --> 00:01:59,893
<i>Trish is going to Montreal.</i>

13
00:02:00,103 --> 00:02:02,731
Montreal? Oh, her family's there.

14
00:02:02,939 --> 00:02:04,406
<i>- Then we're off.</i>
- When?

15
00:02:04,607 --> 00:02:06,700
<i>- Tomorrow.</i>
- You're not ready, are you?

16
00:02:07,477 --> 00:02:10,002
Uncle Frank won't let me
watch the movie...

17
00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:11,544
...but the big kids can.

18
00:02:11,748 --> 00:02:13,010
Why can't I?

19
00:02:13,249 --> 00:02:14,409
I'm on the phone.

20
00:02:15,318 --> 00:02:17,513
When do you come back?
Not till then?

21
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,484
It's not even rated R.
He's just being a jerk.

22
00:02:21,691 --> 00:02:24,216
Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no...

23
00:02:24,427 --> 00:02:26,088
...then it must be really bad.

24
00:02:26,296 --> 00:02:29,424
No, we put the dog in the kennel...
Hey, get off!

25
00:02:29,632 --> 00:02:30,860
Kevin, out of the room.

26
00:02:31,067 --> 00:02:33,365
Hang up the phone and make me,
why don't you?

27
00:02:33,803 --> 00:02:34,667
This kid.

28
00:02:34,871 --> 00:02:37,305
Did you pick up
a voltage adaptor thing?

29
00:02:37,507 --> 00:02:39,031
No, I didn't have time.

30
00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:42,040
- Then how do I shave in France?
- Grow a goatee.

31
00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,372
Dad, nobody'll let me do anything.

32
00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:48,881
I've got something, pick up those
MicroMachines that are all over.

33
00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:51,076
Aunt Leslie almost broke her neck.

34
00:02:51,287 --> 00:02:53,585
He was playing
with the glue gun again.

35
00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:55,083
We talked about that.

36
00:02:55,458 --> 00:02:58,359
Did I burn down the joint?
I don't think so.

37
00:02:58,561 --> 00:03:00,461
I made ornaments out of fish hooks.

38
00:03:01,331 --> 00:03:04,562
- My new fish hooks?
- I can't make them out of old ones...

39
00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:07,201
...with dry worm guts stuck on them.

40
00:03:08,137 --> 00:03:11,129
- Peter.
- Come on, Kevin. Out.

41
00:03:11,474 --> 00:03:13,567
Do you guys have a voltage adaptor?

42
00:03:13,776 --> 00:03:15,243
Here's a voltage adapter!

43
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:19,074
God, you're getting heavy!
Go pack your suitcase.

44
00:03:20,416 --> 00:03:23,317
Pack my suitcase?

45
00:03:23,786 --> 00:03:26,050
- Where's the shampoo?
- I don't live here.

46
00:03:26,256 --> 00:03:28,486
This many people here and no shampoo.

47
00:03:28,691 --> 00:03:30,716
- Are your folks home?
- They don't live here.

48
00:03:30,927 --> 00:03:33,555
- Tracy, did you order the pizza?
- Buzz did.

49
00:03:33,763 --> 00:03:35,754
Excuse me. Are your parents here?

50
00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:37,557
My parents live in Paris.

51
00:03:37,767 --> 00:03:38,791
- Hi!
- Hi!

52
00:03:39,002 --> 00:03:40,435
- Are your parents home?
- Yeah.

53
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,571
- Do they live here?
- No.

54
00:03:43,606 --> 00:03:46,234
Why should they?
All kids, no parents.

55
00:03:46,442 --> 00:03:47,841
Probably a fancy orphanage.

56
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:51,974
I don't know how to pack a suitcase.
I've never done it once.

57
00:03:52,181 --> 00:03:54,308
- Tough.
- That's what Megan said.

58
00:03:54,517 --> 00:03:55,779
What did I say?

59
00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:57,009
You told him "Tough."

60
00:03:57,220 --> 00:04:00,656
The dope was whining about a suitcase.
What was I supposed to say?

61
00:04:00,857 --> 00:04:02,586
"Congratulations, you're an idiot"?

62
00:04:02,792 --> 00:04:04,225
- I'm not an idiot!
- Really?

63
00:04:04,427 --> 00:04:07,453
You're helpless! We have to do
everything for you.

64
00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:10,929
- She's right, Kev.
- Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm small.

65
00:04:11,134 --> 00:04:12,692
I don't know how to pack.

66
00:04:12,902 --> 00:04:16,338
- I hope you didn't just pack crap.
- Shut up, Linnie.

67
00:04:16,539 --> 00:04:17,972
You know what I should pack?

68
00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:21,473
Buzz told you, cheek-face.
Toilet paper and water.

69
00:04:22,812 --> 00:04:24,507
What are you so worried about?

70
00:04:24,714 --> 00:04:27,478
You know Mom's gonna
pack your stuff, anyway.

71
00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:30,710
You're what the French call
<i>les incompetents.</i>

72
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:31,944
What?

73
00:04:33,256 --> 00:04:34,814
Bombs away!

74
00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:42,759
P.S. You have to sleep
on the hide-a-bed with Fuller.

75
00:04:42,966 --> 00:04:45,696
If he has something to drink,
he'll wet the bed.

76
00:04:46,903 --> 00:04:49,701
This house is so full of people
it makes me sick!

77
00:04:49,906 --> 00:04:52,636
When I grow up and get married,
I'm living alone!

78
00:04:52,842 --> 00:04:53,866
Did you hear me?

79
00:04:54,077 --> 00:04:55,635
I'm living alone!

80
00:04:56,346 --> 00:04:58,473
I'm living alone!

81
00:05:01,284 --> 00:05:03,218
Who's gonna feed your spider?

82
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:07,686
He just ate a load of mice guts.
He'll be good for a couple weeks.

83
00:05:09,492 --> 00:05:12,359
Is it true French babes
don't shave their pits?

84
00:05:13,129 --> 00:05:14,061
Some don't.

85
00:05:15,598 --> 00:05:17,156
But they got nude beaches.

86
00:05:17,433 --> 00:05:18,491
Not in the winter.

87
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:28,703
Don't you know how to knock,
phlegm-wad?

88
00:05:29,112 --> 00:05:32,343
Can I sleep here?
I don't want to sleep with Fuller.

89
00:05:32,548 --> 00:05:34,379
If he drinks, he'll wet the bed.

90
00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:39,115
I wouldn't let you sleep in my room
if you were growing on my ass.

91
00:05:42,458 --> 00:05:44,585
Check it out.
Old man Marley.

92
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:49,587
Who's he?

93
00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:54,163
You ever heard of the South Bend
Shovel Slayer?

94
00:05:54,837 --> 00:05:55,929
That's him.

95
00:05:56,139 --> 00:06:00,940
In '58 he murdered his whole family
and half the people on his block...

96
00:06:02,078 --> 00:06:04,069
...with a snow shovel.

97
00:06:04,580 --> 00:06:07,606
Been hiding out
in this neighborhood ever since.

98
00:06:07,817 --> 00:06:11,446
If he's the shovel slayer,
how come the cops don't arrest him?

99
00:06:11,654 --> 00:06:13,417
Not enough evidence to convict.

100
00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:16,182
They never found the bodies.

101
00:06:16,392 --> 00:06:18,417
Everyone around here knows he did it.

102
00:06:19,062 --> 00:06:20,962
It'll just be a matter of time...

103
00:06:21,164 --> 00:06:23,155
...before he does it again.

104
00:06:23,399 --> 00:06:24,331
What's he doing?

105
00:06:25,201 --> 00:06:28,193
He walks up and down the streets
every night...

106
00:06:28,404 --> 00:06:30,702
...salting the sidewalks.

107
00:06:30,907 --> 00:06:32,841
Maybe he's just trying to be nice.

108
00:06:34,544 --> 00:06:36,239
No way.

109
00:06:36,913 --> 00:06:39,347
See that garbage can full of salt?

110
00:06:40,116 --> 00:06:42,846
That's where he keeps his victims.

111
00:06:43,052 --> 00:06:47,819
The salt turns the bodies
into mummies.

112
00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:51,816
Mummies!

113
00:06:56,399 --> 00:06:57,491
Look out!

114
00:07:30,433 --> 00:07:31,661
How you kids doing?

115
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:32,994
Good?

116
00:07:33,469 --> 00:07:35,630
Lot of action around here today, huh?

117
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,499
Going on vacation?

118
00:07:37,740 --> 00:07:39,230
Where you going?

119
00:07:39,442 --> 00:07:40,966
You hear me, or what?

120
00:07:41,677 --> 00:07:42,974
Going on a trip?

121
00:07:43,513 --> 00:07:45,140
Where you going, kid?

122
00:07:54,524 --> 00:07:57,425
Okay, that's $122.50.

123
00:07:57,827 --> 00:07:59,954
Not from me, kid. I don't live here.

124
00:08:00,196 --> 00:08:02,130
You just around for the holidays?

125
00:08:02,331 --> 00:08:03,593
You could say that.

126
00:08:03,799 --> 00:08:05,391
- Pizza's here!
- There you go.

127
00:08:05,601 --> 00:08:07,569
That's $122.50.

128
00:08:07,770 --> 00:08:09,829
It's my brother's house.
He'll get it.

129
00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:13,101
Hey, listen...

130
00:08:15,545 --> 00:08:17,376
- Are you Mr. McCallister?
- Yeah.

131
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,480
The Mr. McCallister who lives here?

132
00:08:19,682 --> 00:08:22,173
Good, because somebody owes me $122.50.

133
00:08:22,385 --> 00:08:23,374
I'd like a word with you.

134
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:25,850
Am I under arrest or something?

135
00:08:26,489 --> 00:08:29,925
There's always a lot of burglaries
around the holidays.

136
00:08:30,126 --> 00:08:34,222
We're checking the neighborhood to see
if the proper precautions are taken.

137
00:08:35,498 --> 00:08:38,467
We have automatic timers for our
lights, locks for our doors.

138
00:08:38,668 --> 00:08:40,693
That's about as well
as anybody can do.

139
00:08:40,903 --> 00:08:42,962
- Did you get some eggnog?
- Come on.

140
00:08:43,172 --> 00:08:44,639
- Let's eat.
- Come on.

141
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:45,772
- Eggnog?
- Pizza!

142
00:08:45,975 --> 00:08:49,308
- Are you gonna be leaving...?
- Pizza!

143
00:08:50,379 --> 00:08:52,313
Grab a napkin
and pour your own drinks.

144
00:08:52,515 --> 00:08:57,145
- Does Santa go through customs?
- What time do we have to go to bed?

145
00:08:57,353 --> 00:09:00,254
Early. We're leaving at 8 a.m.
On the button.

146
00:09:00,456 --> 00:09:04,222
I hope you're all drinking milk.
I want to get rid of it.

147
00:09:04,427 --> 00:09:08,989
- Pizza boy needs $122.50, plus tip.
- For pizza?

148
00:09:09,265 --> 00:09:10,926
Ten pizzas times 12 bucks.

149
00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:13,601
- You've got money.
- Traveler's checks.

150
00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:15,896
Forget it, Frank. We have cash.

151
00:09:16,105 --> 00:09:19,302
You probably got the checks
that don't work in France.

152
00:09:19,709 --> 00:09:22,405
Did anyone order me a plain cheese?

153
00:09:22,712 --> 00:09:24,612
Yeah. But if you want any...

154
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:28,272
...somebody's gonna have to barf it up
because it's gone.

155
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:32,310
Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi.

156
00:09:38,427 --> 00:09:41,157
Kev! Kev, get a plate.

157
00:09:51,607 --> 00:09:53,939
- Passports!
- Watch it!

158
00:09:57,346 --> 00:09:59,814
No, no. Get these passports
out of here.

159
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,220
Are you okay, honey? Come here.

160
00:10:06,422 --> 00:10:07,320
Are you all right?

161
00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:09,184
What is the matter with you?

162
00:10:09,558 --> 00:10:12,186
He started it!
He ate my pizza on purpose.

163
00:10:12,495 --> 00:10:14,429
He knows I hate sausage and olives...

164
00:10:14,630 --> 00:10:17,121
Look what you did, you little jerk!

165
00:10:30,780 --> 00:10:32,008
Get upstairs now.

166
00:10:32,248 --> 00:10:33,237
Why?

167
00:10:33,449 --> 00:10:35,076
You're such a disease.

168
00:10:35,351 --> 00:10:37,683
- Shut up!
- Kevin, upstairs!

169
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:40,048
- Say good night, Kevin.
- "Good night, Kevin."

170
00:10:43,025 --> 00:10:44,925
Why do I get treated like scum?

171
00:10:45,127 --> 00:10:47,687
I'm sorry. This house is just crazy.

172
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:50,991
We've got all these extra kids
running around.

173
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:53,430
My brother's in from Ohio.
It's nuts.

174
00:10:53,636 --> 00:10:56,161
How come you didn't bring
more cheese pizzas?

175
00:10:57,139 --> 00:10:58,265
Nice tip. Thanks.

176
00:10:59,709 --> 00:11:01,040
Having a reunion?

177
00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:05,339
My husband's brother transferred
to Paris. His kids are still here.

178
00:11:05,548 --> 00:11:08,244
He missed the family,
so he invited us to Paris...

179
00:11:08,451 --> 00:11:09,543
...so we'll be together.

180
00:11:09,785 --> 00:11:11,218
You're taking a trip to Paris?

181
00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:13,411
Yes, we leave tomorrow morning.

182
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:15,788
Excellent. Excellent.

183
00:11:15,991 --> 00:11:19,051
If you'll excuse me, this one's
a little out of sorts.

184
00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:21,957
Don't worry about me.
I spoke to your husband.

185
00:11:22,365 --> 00:11:26,961
And don't worry about your home.
It's in good hands.

186
00:11:30,072 --> 00:11:33,064
There are 15 people, and only you
have to make trouble.

187
00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:34,640
I'm getting dumped on.

188
00:11:34,844 --> 00:11:37,642
You're the only one acting up.
Now get upstairs.

189
00:11:37,847 --> 00:11:40,179
I am upstairs, dummy!

190
00:11:40,916 --> 00:11:42,577
The third floor?

191
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:44,946
- Go.
- It's scary up there.

192
00:11:45,154 --> 00:11:46,985
Fuller'll be up in a little while.

193
00:11:47,189 --> 00:11:50,283
I don't want to sleep with Fuller.
He wets the bed.

194
00:11:50,493 --> 00:11:52,723
He'll pee all over me. I know it.

195
00:11:52,928 --> 00:11:54,725
We'll put him somewhere else.

196
00:11:56,031 --> 00:11:57,328
I'm sorry.

197
00:11:57,666 --> 00:11:59,964
It's too late. Get upstairs.

198
00:12:03,072 --> 00:12:05,063
Everyone in this family hates me!

199
00:12:05,274 --> 00:12:07,401
Then ask Santa for a new family.

200
00:12:07,610 --> 00:12:11,137
I don't want a new family. I don't
want any family. Families suck!

201
00:12:11,347 --> 00:12:14,441
Stay up there. I don't want
to see you again tonight.

202
00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:17,175
I don't want to see you
for the rest of my life.

203
00:12:17,386 --> 00:12:19,854
I don't want to see
anybody else either.

204
00:12:20,055 --> 00:12:22,148
I hope you don't mean that.

205
00:12:22,358 --> 00:12:26,124
You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up
and didn't have a family.

206
00:12:26,896 --> 00:12:28,329
No, I wouldn't.

207
00:12:28,531 --> 00:12:31,159
Then say it again.
Maybe it'll happen.

208
00:12:31,367 --> 00:12:34,495
I hope I never see any
of you jerks again!

209
00:12:55,291 --> 00:12:58,419
<i>I wish they would all just disappear.</i>

210
00:13:55,184 --> 00:13:58,585
- Where are they?
- I don't know. She said 8 sharp.

211
00:14:06,996 --> 00:14:08,395
Peter!

212
00:14:10,499 --> 00:14:12,296
We slept in!

213
00:14:29,218 --> 00:14:32,153
Hi, I'm Mitch Murphy.
I live across the street.

214
00:14:32,354 --> 00:14:34,185
You guys going out of town?

215
00:14:34,390 --> 00:14:35,755
We're going to Florida.

216
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:39,553
Well, first we're going to Missouri
to pick up my grandma.

217
00:14:39,762 --> 00:14:42,287
You know the McCallisters
are going to France?

218
00:14:42,498 --> 00:14:43,897
Do you know if it's cold?

219
00:14:44,099 --> 00:14:48,695
- Do these vans get good mileage?
- Kid, I don't know. Hit the road!

220
00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:54,606
Do a head count.
Get everyone in the vans.

221
00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:56,038
Where are the passports?

222
00:14:56,245 --> 00:14:58,145
I put them in the microwave to dry.

223
00:14:58,347 --> 00:15:02,113
How fast does this go?
Does it have automatic transmission?

224
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,115
Does it have 4-wheel drive?

225
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:08,188
Look, I told you before, kid.
Don't bother me. Now, beat it!

226
00:15:19,702 --> 00:15:21,863
Line up in front of the van.

227
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:25,765
- Line up and shut up!
- Wow!

228
00:15:25,975 --> 00:15:27,306
Shut up!

229
00:15:27,509 --> 00:15:28,703
I need a head count.

230
00:15:29,411 --> 00:15:30,605
One, two, three...

231
00:15:30,813 --> 00:15:32,940
Eleven, 92, 12...

232
00:15:33,549 --> 00:15:35,449
Buzz, don't be a moron.

233
00:15:35,718 --> 00:15:38,585
Six, seven, eight...

234
00:15:38,787 --> 00:15:41,381
...nine, 10, 11.

235
00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:45,421
Okay, half in this van,
half in this one. Let's go.

236
00:15:46,562 --> 00:15:49,531
Have a good trip.
Bring me back something French.

237
00:15:52,134 --> 00:15:55,934
There's no way we'll make this plane.
It leaves in 45 minutes.

238
00:15:56,138 --> 00:15:57,503
Think positive!

239
00:15:57,706 --> 00:15:59,503
You be positive.
I'll be realistic.

240
00:16:00,943 --> 00:16:03,207
Excuse me, your power is fixed...

241
00:16:03,412 --> 00:16:06,973
...but the phones are a mess.
It'll take a couple of days to fix...

242
00:16:07,182 --> 00:16:09,707
...especially around the holidays.
- Thanks.

243
00:16:09,952 --> 00:16:11,317
Did you count heads?

244
00:16:11,987 --> 00:16:13,249
Eleven, including me.

245
00:16:13,455 --> 00:16:16,481
Five boys, six girls,
two drivers...

246
00:16:16,692 --> 00:16:18,091
...and a partridge in a pear tree.

247
00:16:53,896 --> 00:16:55,261
Hold the plane!

248
00:16:55,664 --> 00:16:57,393
- Did we miss it?
- You just made it.

249
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:03,261
Single seats only in coach.
Take whatever's free.

250
00:17:03,472 --> 00:17:05,099
I get a window seat!

251
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:11,807
- Kids are in coach, we're first class.
- Seats Four A and B.

252
00:17:12,014 --> 00:17:14,482
Four A and B. I'll take your coats.

253
00:17:15,884 --> 00:17:18,114
- Fasten your seat belts.
- Champagne, please.

254
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,481
- It's free, isn't it?
- Oh, yes.

255
00:17:21,523 --> 00:17:22,490
We made it.

256
00:17:22,691 --> 00:17:23,988
Do you believe it?

257
00:17:24,993 --> 00:17:26,483
Hope we didn't forget anything.

258
00:18:47,409 --> 00:18:48,467
Mom?

259
00:18:56,084 --> 00:18:59,417
- That's real. It's real crystal.
- Yeah, so?

260
00:18:59,621 --> 00:19:02,488
- Put them in your purse.
- Frank, I can't do that.

261
00:19:02,691 --> 00:19:05,421
Just... Put them in your purse!

262
00:19:05,794 --> 00:19:08,228
Yeah. Fill it up.
Fill it up.

263
00:19:08,430 --> 00:19:09,727
Fill it up, please.

264
00:19:10,866 --> 00:19:11,890
Thank you.

265
00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:15,536
Don't you feel like a heel, flying
first class with the kids in coach?

266
00:19:15,737 --> 00:19:17,170
No. The kids are fine.

267
00:19:17,372 --> 00:19:21,672
The only time I ever flew as a kid was
in the station wagon, not to France.

268
00:19:21,944 --> 00:19:24,777
We had to go to Aunt Laura
and Uncle Arthur's.

269
00:19:25,347 --> 00:19:28,248
Kids are okay. They're having
the time of their lives.

270
00:19:29,318 --> 00:19:30,910
Hello?

271
00:19:32,487 --> 00:19:33,818
Mom?

272
00:19:36,225 --> 00:19:37,658
Dad?

273
00:19:46,501 --> 00:19:48,435
Where are you guys?

274
00:19:49,371 --> 00:19:50,736
Buzz?

275
00:20:03,919 --> 00:20:05,147
Megan?

276
00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:06,986
Hello?

277
00:20:09,925 --> 00:20:11,222
Rod?

278
00:20:11,426 --> 00:20:12,825
Uncle Frank?

279
00:20:13,028 --> 00:20:15,588
Uncle Frank, is this a joke?

280
00:20:17,232 --> 00:20:20,429
Megan? Linnie?

281
00:20:22,771 --> 00:20:24,796
Is this a joke?

282
00:20:48,430 --> 00:20:50,364
It's only my imagination.

283
00:20:50,565 --> 00:20:52,430
Only my imagination.

284
00:21:09,785 --> 00:21:13,016
The cars are still here.
They didn't go to the airport!

285
00:21:30,973 --> 00:21:34,409
I made my family disappear.

286
00:21:35,744 --> 00:21:37,678
<i>You're completely helpless.</i>

287
00:21:37,879 --> 00:21:38,868
<i>You know, Kevin...</i>

288
00:21:39,081 --> 00:21:42,676
<i>... you're what the French call</i>
les incompetents.

289
00:21:42,985 --> 00:21:45,886
<i>Kevin, I'm going to feed you</i>
<i>to my tarantula.</i>

290
00:21:46,088 --> 00:21:48,955
<i>Kevin, you are such a disease.</i>

291
00:21:49,157 --> 00:21:54,094
<i>There are 15 people, and you're</i>
<i>the only one who has to make trouble.</i>

292
00:21:54,363 --> 00:21:57,855
<i>Look what you did, you little jerk!</i>

293
00:22:01,470 --> 00:22:04,997
I made my family disappear.

294
00:22:19,121 --> 00:22:20,816
I'm free!

295
00:22:32,968 --> 00:22:34,094
Wow!

296
00:22:41,109 --> 00:22:44,169
No clothes on anybody.
Sickening!

297
00:22:45,313 --> 00:22:47,247
Cool! Firecrackers!

298
00:22:47,449 --> 00:22:48,916
I'll save these for later.

299
00:22:49,384 --> 00:22:52,080
Buzz, I'm going through
all your private stuff.

300
00:22:52,287 --> 00:22:54,881
You better come out and pound me!

301
00:22:58,894 --> 00:23:01,886
Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof!

302
00:23:50,879 --> 00:23:52,244
<i>Who is it?</i>

303
00:23:55,851 --> 00:23:57,284
<i>It's me. Snakes.</i>

304
00:23:57,486 --> 00:23:58,783
<i>I got the stuff.</i>

305
00:23:58,987 --> 00:24:01,854
<i>Leave it on the doorstep</i>
<i>and get the hell out of here.</i>

306
00:24:02,057 --> 00:24:05,254
<i>All right, Johnny,</i>
<i>but what about my money?</i>

307
00:24:05,460 --> 00:24:06,449
<i>What money?</i>

308
00:24:06,661 --> 00:24:08,891
<i>A.C. Said you had some dough for me.</i>

309
00:24:09,097 --> 00:24:11,998
<i>Is that a fact?</i>
<i>How much do I owe you?</i>

310
00:24:12,234 --> 00:24:14,168
<i>A.C. Said ten percent.</i>

311
00:24:15,303 --> 00:24:17,737
<i>Too bad A.C. Ain't in charge no more.</i>

312
00:24:18,507 --> 00:24:20,907
Guys, I'm eating junk
and watching rubbish!

313
00:24:21,109 --> 00:24:23,475
You better come out and stop me!

314
00:24:23,979 --> 00:24:26,004
<i>He'll call you when he gets out.</i>

315
00:24:29,017 --> 00:24:31,178
<i>I'll tell you what I'm gonna</i>
<i>give you.</i>

316
00:24:32,821 --> 00:24:35,085
<i>I'm gonna give you to</i>
<i>the count of ten...</i>

317
00:24:35,790 --> 00:24:38,122
<i>... to get your ugly, yellow...</i>

318
00:24:38,326 --> 00:24:40,521
<i>... no-good keister off my property...</i>

319
00:24:40,729 --> 00:24:42,697
<i>... before I pump your guts</i>
<i>full of lead.</i>

320
00:24:42,898 --> 00:24:44,331
<i>All right, I'm sorry.</i>

321
00:24:44,733 --> 00:24:45,563
<i>I'm going.</i>

322
00:24:45,767 --> 00:24:48,031
<i>One, two... ten.</i>

323
00:25:03,385 --> 00:25:05,717
<i>Keep the change,</i>
<i>you filthy animal.</i>

324
00:25:07,522 --> 00:25:08,784
Mom!

325
00:25:20,101 --> 00:25:21,500
What's the matter?

326
00:25:22,971 --> 00:25:24,063
Honey?

327
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,908
I have a terrible feeling.

328
00:25:28,109 --> 00:25:29,041
About what?

329
00:25:30,579 --> 00:25:32,240
That we didn't do something.

330
00:25:33,181 --> 00:25:35,649
You feel that way because
we left in a hurry.

331
00:25:35,850 --> 00:25:37,579
We took care of everything.

332
00:25:37,786 --> 00:25:39,083
Did I turn off the coffee?

333
00:25:39,487 --> 00:25:40,647
No.

334
00:25:41,022 --> 00:25:41,954
I did.

335
00:25:42,157 --> 00:25:43,624
Did you lock up?

336
00:25:45,026 --> 00:25:46,152
Yeah.

337
00:25:47,562 --> 00:25:48,927
Did you close the garage?

338
00:25:50,932 --> 00:25:52,024
That's it.

339
00:25:52,234 --> 00:25:54,634
I forgot to close the garage.
That's it.

340
00:26:00,408 --> 00:26:02,205
No, that's not it.

341
00:26:04,246 --> 00:26:06,077
What else could we be forgetting?

342
00:26:10,018 --> 00:26:10,950
Kevin!

343
00:26:54,629 --> 00:26:57,826
The captain's doing all he can.
Your phones are out of order.

344
00:26:58,033 --> 00:27:00,558
We'll call when we land.
I'm sure it's okay.

345
00:27:02,337 --> 00:27:04,328
Horrible. Horrible.

346
00:27:04,806 --> 00:27:06,068
Just horrible.

347
00:27:06,474 --> 00:27:09,034
How could we do this?
We forgot him.

348
00:27:09,244 --> 00:27:11,644
We didn't forget him,
we just miscounted.

349
00:27:12,580 --> 00:27:15,071
What kind of mother am I?

350
00:27:15,283 --> 00:27:18,844
If it makes you feel any better,
I forgot my reading glasses.

351
00:27:23,491 --> 00:27:26,358
<i>Five families gone</i>
<i>on one block alone.</i>

352
00:27:26,561 --> 00:27:29,496
<i>They all told me from their</i>
<i>own mouths.</i>

353
00:27:29,698 --> 00:27:31,222
<i>It's almost too easy.</i>

354
00:27:31,766 --> 00:27:32,858
Check it out:

355
00:27:33,068 --> 00:27:35,127
All the houses with nobody home...

356
00:27:35,337 --> 00:27:38,170
...have automatic timers
on their lights.

357
00:27:38,540 --> 00:27:41,771
But I got it all figured out.
Watch this.

358
00:27:43,044 --> 00:27:47,981
Number 664 will be going on
right about...

359
00:27:49,351 --> 00:27:50,545
...now.

360
00:27:51,586 --> 00:27:53,520
Wait, wait, wait.

361
00:27:54,622 --> 00:27:57,648
Number 682...

362
00:27:58,426 --> 00:28:00,951
...right now.

363
00:28:03,264 --> 00:28:04,458
Wait a minute.

364
00:28:04,666 --> 00:28:07,499
681...

365
00:28:07,969 --> 00:28:08,799
...now.

366
00:28:11,339 --> 00:28:14,831
And that's the one, Marvin.
That's the silver tuna.

367
00:28:15,310 --> 00:28:16,538
It's very G.

368
00:28:17,178 --> 00:28:19,612
Very G, huh? It's loaded.

369
00:28:19,814 --> 00:28:22,078
It's got lots of top-flight goods.

370
00:28:22,283 --> 00:28:25,616
- Stereos, VCRs...
- Toys?

371
00:28:25,820 --> 00:28:28,414
Probably looking at some
very fine jewelry.

372
00:28:28,823 --> 00:28:30,222
Possible cash horde.

373
00:28:30,925 --> 00:28:33,485
Odd marketable securities.

374
00:28:34,028 --> 00:28:36,394
Who knows? It's a gem.

375
00:28:37,198 --> 00:28:39,166
Grab your crowbar.

376
00:28:40,135 --> 00:28:41,830
Crowbars up.

377
00:28:44,205 --> 00:28:48,642
<i>You're a rotter,</i>
<i>Mr. Grinch</i>

378
00:28:49,010 --> 00:28:52,707
<i>You're the king</i>
<i>Of sinful sots</i>

379
00:28:53,248 --> 00:28:55,409
<i>Your heart's a dead tomato</i>

380
00:28:55,617 --> 00:29:00,179
<i>Blotched with moldy purple spots,</i>
<i>Mr. Grinch</i>

381
00:29:41,162 --> 00:29:42,151
Which way?

382
00:29:42,797 --> 00:29:45,163
We'll go around back,
down the basement.

383
00:30:06,054 --> 00:30:08,784
- You said they were gone.
- They were gonna leave today.

384
00:30:08,990 --> 00:30:10,651
Let's get out of here.

385
00:30:47,128 --> 00:30:49,426
We have to use the phone, please.

386
00:30:50,231 --> 00:30:52,995
It's an emergency.
We really have to make a call.

387
00:30:53,201 --> 00:30:55,669
Please! Our brother's home alone.

388
00:30:56,304 --> 00:30:58,204
Give us the phone!

389
00:30:58,506 --> 00:30:59,700
I'm sorry. Thank you.

390
00:30:59,908 --> 00:31:02,570
I'm calling the police.
Book us a flight home.

391
00:31:02,777 --> 00:31:05,678
Get change out of here.
Call everybody you know.

392
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:10,010
Here's my address book. You and Frank
call everyone on our street.

393
00:31:10,218 --> 00:31:12,049
Maybe somebody can help us.

394
00:31:12,253 --> 00:31:15,586
Hello? Hello?
Oh, she'll have to call you back.

395
00:31:22,030 --> 00:31:23,361
This is ridiculous.

396
00:31:23,565 --> 00:31:25,897
Only a wimp would be
hiding under a bed.

397
00:31:26,100 --> 00:31:30,059
And I can't be a wimp.
I'm the man of the house.

398
00:31:37,412 --> 00:31:40,745
Hey, I'm not afraid anymore!

399
00:31:41,749 --> 00:31:45,344
I said, I'm not afraid anymore!

400
00:31:45,853 --> 00:31:49,687
Do you hear me?
I'm not afraid anymore.

401
00:32:20,355 --> 00:32:21,617
Village police department.

402
00:32:21,823 --> 00:32:25,259
I'm calling from Paris.
I have a son who's home alone.

403
00:32:25,460 --> 00:32:30,397
<i>I'd like somebody to go there. Tell</i>
<i>him that we're coming home to get him.</i>

404
00:32:30,598 --> 00:32:34,159
Okay, let me connect you
with Family Crisis Intervention.

405
00:32:34,369 --> 00:32:35,836
Hold on.

406
00:32:37,705 --> 00:32:41,106
Larry, can you pick up?
There's some hyper lady on hold.

407
00:32:41,309 --> 00:32:43,777
- What line, Rose?
- Two.

408
00:32:44,445 --> 00:32:46,811
Family Crisis Intervention,
Sergeant Balzac.

409
00:32:47,015 --> 00:32:49,916
I'm calling from Paris.
I have a son who's home alone.

410
00:32:50,118 --> 00:32:54,782
Has the child been involved in
violence with a drunk family member?

411
00:32:54,989 --> 00:32:55,978
No!

412
00:32:56,324 --> 00:32:58,849
Has he been involved
in a household accident?

413
00:32:59,060 --> 00:33:01,187
I don't know. I hope not.

414
00:33:02,530 --> 00:33:06,591
Has the child ingested any poison
or is an object lodged in his throat?

415
00:33:06,801 --> 00:33:10,293
No, he's home alone! I'd like
somebody to go over to the house...

416
00:33:10,505 --> 00:33:12,200
...and see if he's all right.

417
00:33:13,374 --> 00:33:16,969
You want us to go to your house,
just to check on him.

418
00:33:17,178 --> 00:33:18,304
Yes!

419
00:33:19,113 --> 00:33:20,512
Let me connect you to the police.

420
00:33:20,715 --> 00:33:22,114
They just transferred me.

421
00:33:22,316 --> 00:33:23,283
- Rose!
- Yeah.

422
00:33:23,484 --> 00:33:24,508
- Hyper.
- Hang on.

423
00:33:24,719 --> 00:33:28,314
- Hold on, please.
- No, please don't hang up. Please!

424
00:33:29,090 --> 00:33:30,421
Any luck?

425
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:34,822
- I couldn't get anybody.
- Leslie?

426
00:33:35,029 --> 00:33:37,327
Nothing but a bunch
of answering machines.

427
00:33:39,500 --> 00:33:42,469
Somebody pick up. Pick up!

428
00:33:42,670 --> 00:33:44,661
Oh, hi, ma'am. It's you again.

429
00:33:44,872 --> 00:33:48,831
Look, I'm calling from Paris.
I have a son who's home alone, and l...

430
00:33:49,043 --> 00:33:52,774
We'll send a policeman over
to your house to check on your son.

431
00:34:23,111 --> 00:34:25,705
There's nobody home.
The house looks secure.

432
00:34:25,913 --> 00:34:28,006
Tell them to count their kids again.

433
00:34:29,150 --> 00:34:31,618
You can't bump somebody or ask or...?

434
00:34:31,819 --> 00:34:33,650
There's no way I can do that.

435
00:34:33,855 --> 00:34:35,982
Isn't there a way
if you ask somebody?

436
00:34:36,190 --> 00:34:37,657
If you said it's an emergency...

437
00:34:37,859 --> 00:34:39,224
I cannot ask them.

438
00:34:39,427 --> 00:34:41,622
She's sending a policeman
over to the house.

439
00:34:41,829 --> 00:34:44,730
Well, that's a relief.
Everything here is booked.

440
00:34:44,932 --> 00:34:46,058
Nothing to Chicago?

441
00:34:46,267 --> 00:34:49,464
There's nothing to Chicago,
New York, Nashville.

442
00:34:50,872 --> 00:34:53,966
- What about a private plane?
- Sorry. We don't do that.

443
00:34:54,175 --> 00:34:57,110
The only thing is a booking
for us on Friday morning.

444
00:34:57,311 --> 00:34:59,802
Friday morn... That's two days away.

445
00:35:00,014 --> 00:35:01,982
The kids are exhausted and so are you.

446
00:35:02,183 --> 00:35:04,117
There's nothing we can do here.

447
00:35:04,318 --> 00:35:08,948
I say we go over to Rob's, and that
way we can call the police again.

448
00:35:09,157 --> 00:35:12,388
I'm not leaving here unless
it's on an airplane.

449
00:35:12,593 --> 00:35:14,686
Madame, we are doing
everything we can.

450
00:35:14,896 --> 00:35:18,889
If you want to stay at the airport,
maybe we can get you on standby.

451
00:35:19,100 --> 00:35:22,035
It is a possibility
that a seat will open up.

452
00:35:22,770 --> 00:35:25,637
- Is that okay?
- Yes. I'll wait.

453
00:35:32,213 --> 00:35:33,544
I'll miss you, honey.

454
00:35:37,552 --> 00:35:39,281
Don't you get lost.

455
00:35:40,888 --> 00:35:42,014
Goodbye.

456
00:35:57,905 --> 00:36:01,102
I took a shower, washing every
body part with actual soap.

457
00:36:01,309 --> 00:36:03,072
Including all my major crevices...

458
00:36:03,277 --> 00:36:05,711
...between my toes
and in my belly button...

459
00:36:05,913 --> 00:36:08,279
...which I never did before
but enjoyed.

460
00:36:08,850 --> 00:36:13,787
I washed my hair with adult formula
shampoo and used creme rinse.

461
00:36:14,956 --> 00:36:18,221
I can't find my toothbrush,
so I'll pick one up today.

462
00:36:18,426 --> 00:36:20,519
Other than that, I'm in good shape.

463
00:37:11,145 --> 00:37:14,342
All right! Buzz's life savings.

464
00:37:41,175 --> 00:37:43,837
I thought the Murphys
went to Florida.

465
00:38:00,261 --> 00:38:03,230
You're one of the great
cat burglars of the world.

466
00:38:03,431 --> 00:38:06,093
You think you can keep it
down a little in there?

467
00:38:06,734 --> 00:38:10,500
<i>You've reached the Murphy's.</i>
<i>Please leave a message after the beep.</i>

468
00:38:11,405 --> 00:38:15,307
<i>This is Peter McCallister again.</i>
<i>We're in Paris at my brother's.</i>

469
00:38:15,509 --> 00:38:18,967
<i>Let me give you the number here.</i>
<i>The country code is 33.</i>

470
00:38:19,180 --> 00:38:24,117
<i>The area code is 1-4 and the number</i>
<i>is 694-876...</i>

471
00:38:24,518 --> 00:38:26,418
- Hey, Harry.
- Yeah?

472
00:38:26,620 --> 00:38:30,021
That house we ran last night,
was that the McCallister's?

473
00:38:31,425 --> 00:38:34,758
- <i>Call me in Paris.</i>
- You're right. They're gone.

474
00:38:38,132 --> 00:38:41,727
- I knew they were.
- Silver tuna tonight.

475
00:38:43,604 --> 00:38:44,901
Wow!

476
00:38:50,878 --> 00:38:52,209
How may I help you?

477
00:38:52,813 --> 00:38:56,180
Is this toothbrush approved
by the American Dental Association?

478
00:38:56,917 --> 00:38:58,509
Well, I don't know.

479
00:38:59,587 --> 00:39:01,282
It doesn't say, hon.

480
00:39:01,555 --> 00:39:02,954
Can you please find out?

481
00:39:06,093 --> 00:39:07,822
- Herb.
- Yeah?

482
00:39:08,029 --> 00:39:11,294
I got a question here
about a toothbrush.

483
00:39:17,838 --> 00:39:22,537
Do you know, is this brush approved
by the American Dental Association?

484
00:39:22,743 --> 00:39:23,710
I don't know.

485
00:39:46,233 --> 00:39:48,633
Oh, hon, you pay for that here.

486
00:39:50,738 --> 00:39:52,603
Wait, you have to pay for that.

487
00:39:53,374 --> 00:39:55,672
Son! Son!

488
00:39:56,911 --> 00:39:59,345
Jimmy, stop that boy!

489
00:40:03,751 --> 00:40:04,945
Hey!

490
00:40:09,290 --> 00:40:10,757
Shoplifter!

491
00:40:14,595 --> 00:40:15,857
Hey! Hey, kid!

492
00:40:22,870 --> 00:40:24,235
Come back here!

493
00:40:25,673 --> 00:40:27,402
Stop it, will you?

494
00:40:27,908 --> 00:40:29,068
Come here.

495
00:41:07,214 --> 00:41:09,045
I'm a criminal.

496
00:41:36,410 --> 00:41:37,308
What's so funny?

497
00:41:38,946 --> 00:41:40,208
What's so funny?

498
00:41:40,748 --> 00:41:41,806
Why are you laughing?

499
00:41:45,152 --> 00:41:46,380
You did it again.

500
00:41:47,755 --> 00:41:49,188
You left the water running.

501
00:41:50,157 --> 00:41:52,591
Why do you do that?
I told you not to do it.

502
00:41:52,793 --> 00:41:55,159
- It's our calling card.
- Calling card.

503
00:41:55,362 --> 00:41:57,523
All the great ones leave their mark.

504
00:41:57,731 --> 00:41:59,323
We're the wet bandits.

505
00:41:59,733 --> 00:42:02,293
You're sick, you know?
You're really sick.

506
00:42:03,103 --> 00:42:04,900
- I'm not sick.
- Yes, you are.

507
00:42:05,105 --> 00:42:06,333
It's a sick thing to do.

508
00:42:13,180 --> 00:42:15,011
- We don't need that.
- Don't tell me...

509
00:42:15,216 --> 00:42:17,081
I can do it if I want to.

510
00:42:19,220 --> 00:42:21,484
It's not sick. Hey, watch out!

511
00:42:29,730 --> 00:42:31,163
Hey! Hey!

512
00:42:31,365 --> 00:42:33,265
You've gotta watch for traffic.

513
00:42:33,634 --> 00:42:35,568
- Sorry.
- Damn.

514
00:42:35,769 --> 00:42:38,169
Santy don't visit
the funeral homes, buddy.

515
00:42:39,173 --> 00:42:40,435
Okay, okay.

516
00:42:41,308 --> 00:42:43,401
Merry Christmas.

517
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:54,919
What's the matter?

518
00:42:55,289 --> 00:42:57,621
I don't like the way
that kid looked at me.

519
00:42:57,825 --> 00:43:01,261
- Ever seen him before?
- I saw a hundred kids this week.

520
00:43:02,263 --> 00:43:04,060
Let's see what house he goes into.

521
00:43:36,630 --> 00:43:37,961
Why's he going faster?

522
00:43:38,165 --> 00:43:40,258
I told you something's wrong.

523
00:43:40,467 --> 00:43:42,458
He looked at me weird.
Why would he run?

524
00:44:18,605 --> 00:44:20,368
Maybe he went in the church.

525
00:44:20,641 --> 00:44:23,371
- I'm not going in there.
- Me neither.

526
00:44:23,677 --> 00:44:24,803
Let's get out of here.

527
00:44:43,630 --> 00:44:46,963
When those guys come back,
I'll be ready.

528
00:45:12,092 --> 00:45:13,150
Did they come back?

529
00:45:13,660 --> 00:45:15,457
From Paris?

530
00:45:51,098 --> 00:45:53,430
We'll come back tomorrow.
Maybe they'll be gone.

531
00:45:54,234 --> 00:45:56,759
We better go before somebody sees us.

532
00:46:28,402 --> 00:46:30,370
Look what I found in the kitchen.

533
00:46:30,571 --> 00:46:32,664
Frank, those are for later.

534
00:46:37,444 --> 00:46:39,844
Do you want a little shrimp, huh?

535
00:46:41,014 --> 00:46:42,709
Do you speak English?

536
00:46:46,253 --> 00:46:47,584
Well, is there...

537
00:46:53,393 --> 00:46:56,590
- Did you get anybody?
- I am looking for my son!

538
00:46:56,797 --> 00:46:58,492
No, I can't find anybody.

539
00:46:58,699 --> 00:47:01,793
They're all shopping.
Nobody's home for the holidays.

540
00:47:02,002 --> 00:47:03,594
Never mind, forget it.

541
00:47:04,605 --> 00:47:07,233
- This is so pointless.
- What?

542
00:47:07,741 --> 00:47:09,868
We're here rotting in this apartment.

543
00:47:10,077 --> 00:47:12,272
Kevin's at home.
Mom's at the airport.

544
00:47:12,546 --> 00:47:15,242
- So?
- You're not worried about Kevin?

545
00:47:15,449 --> 00:47:20,318
Why should I be? He acted like a jerk
and now he caught it in the butt.

546
00:47:21,555 --> 00:47:23,318
He's so little and helpless.

547
00:47:23,524 --> 00:47:24,957
Don't you think he's freaked?

548
00:47:25,158 --> 00:47:28,218
The trout can use a couple of days
in the real world.

549
00:47:28,428 --> 00:47:30,692
You're not worried
something might happen?

550
00:47:31,532 --> 00:47:33,466
No. For three reasons:

551
00:47:33,667 --> 00:47:38,366
A. I'm not that lucky.
Two: We have smoke detectors...

552
00:47:38,572 --> 00:47:42,474
...and D: We live in the most boring
street in the United States...

553
00:47:42,676 --> 00:47:46,976
...where nothing even remotely
dangerous will ever happen. Period.

554
00:48:14,174 --> 00:48:15,072
<i>Who is it?</i>

555
00:48:15,275 --> 00:48:17,505
It's Little Nero's.
I have your pizza.

556
00:48:18,111 --> 00:48:20,773
<i>Leave it on the doorstep</i>
<i>and get out of here.</i>

557
00:48:21,715 --> 00:48:23,182
Okay.

558
00:48:24,618 --> 00:48:25,949
What about the money?

559
00:48:27,354 --> 00:48:28,787
<i>What money?</i>

560
00:48:29,756 --> 00:48:32,281
Well, you have to pay
for your pizza, sir.

561
00:48:33,260 --> 00:48:36,627
<i>Is that a fact?</i>
<i>How much do I owe you?</i>

562
00:48:38,131 --> 00:48:39,962
That'll be $11.80, sir.

563
00:48:47,407 --> 00:48:50,035
<i>Keep the change, you filthy animal.</i>

564
00:48:51,945 --> 00:48:53,674
- Cheapskate.
<i>- Hey.</i>

565
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:56,212
<i>I'm gonna give you</i>
<i>to the count of ten...</i>

566
00:48:56,416 --> 00:48:58,782
<i>... to get your ugly, yellow...</i>

567
00:48:58,986 --> 00:49:01,113
<i>... no-good keister</i>
<i>off my property...</i>

568
00:49:01,321 --> 00:49:03,414
<i>... before I pump you full of lead.</i>

569
00:49:03,624 --> 00:49:06,320
<i>One, two... ten.</i>

570
00:49:34,454 --> 00:49:37,617
A lovely cheese pizza, just for me.

571
00:49:40,994 --> 00:49:42,552
<i>- To Dallas/Forth Worth.</i>

572
00:49:42,763 --> 00:49:44,594
<i>American Airlines...</i>

573
00:49:46,366 --> 00:49:48,857
So we have the $500,
the pocket translator...

574
00:49:49,069 --> 00:49:51,435
...the two first-class seats,
that's an upgrade...

575
00:49:51,638 --> 00:49:52,832
Is that a real Rolex?

576
00:49:54,541 --> 00:49:56,873
- Do you think it is?
- No.

577
00:49:57,077 --> 00:50:00,274
But who can tell?
I also have a ring.

578
00:50:00,480 --> 00:50:02,380
Oh, that is beautiful!

579
00:50:02,582 --> 00:50:03,879
They're boarding.

580
00:50:04,484 --> 00:50:07,749
She's offered us two first-class
tickets if we go Friday.

581
00:50:07,954 --> 00:50:12,220
Plus a ring, a watch,
a pocket translator, $500 and...

582
00:50:12,426 --> 00:50:13,723
The earrings.

583
00:50:13,994 --> 00:50:17,760
She's got her own earrings.
A whole shoebox full of them.

584
00:50:17,964 --> 00:50:19,556
- Come on, come on.
- No, but...

585
00:50:21,101 --> 00:50:22,033
I'm desperate.

586
00:50:23,136 --> 00:50:26,902
I'm begging you.
From a mother to a mother. Please!

587
00:50:29,042 --> 00:50:31,636
- Oh, Ed.
- Please!

588
00:50:32,646 --> 00:50:34,409
Oh, all right.

589
00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:42,645
<i>"Dear Santa, I got a little sister</i>
<i>last year.</i>

590
00:50:42,856 --> 00:50:45,450
<i>This year I'd rather have</i>
<i>some Clay-Doh. "</i>

591
00:50:59,339 --> 00:51:00,397
I didn't mean it.

592
00:51:00,607 --> 00:51:03,667
If you come back, I'll never be
a pain in the butt again.

593
00:51:04,044 --> 00:51:07,241
I promise. Good night.

594
00:51:26,733 --> 00:51:29,896
<i>I'm dreaming</i>

595
00:51:30,103 --> 00:51:31,365
<i>Of a white</i>

596
00:51:32,472 --> 00:51:34,463
<i>Christmas</i>

597
00:51:34,674 --> 00:51:38,872
<i>Just like the ones</i>
<i>I used to know</i>

598
00:51:41,081 --> 00:51:44,881
<i>Where those treetops glisten</i>

599
00:51:45,085 --> 00:51:48,816
<i>And children listen</i>

600
00:51:49,022 --> 00:51:53,959
<i>To hear sleigh bells</i>
<i>In the snow</i>

601
00:51:54,694 --> 00:51:56,321
<i>The snow</i>

602
00:52:48,481 --> 00:52:50,346
Are those microwave dinners good?

603
00:52:51,084 --> 00:52:53,780
- I don't know.
- I'll give them a whirl.

604
00:52:59,326 --> 00:53:00,816
For the kids.

605
00:53:03,163 --> 00:53:05,324
Hold on, I got a coupon for that.

606
00:53:06,633 --> 00:53:08,533
It was in the paper this morning.

607
00:53:12,239 --> 00:53:13,171
$19.83.

608
00:53:13,807 --> 00:53:15,069
Okay.

609
00:53:19,179 --> 00:53:20,578
Are you here all by yourself?

610
00:53:21,982 --> 00:53:23,643
Ma'am, I'm 8 years old.

611
00:53:23,850 --> 00:53:28,116
You think I'd be here alone?
I don't think so.

612
00:53:29,022 --> 00:53:29,920
Where's your mom?

613
00:53:30,123 --> 00:53:31,715
- In the car.
- Where's your dad?

614
00:53:31,925 --> 00:53:34,826
- He's at work.
- What about brothers and sisters?

615
00:53:35,028 --> 00:53:36,393
I'm an only child.

616
00:53:36,897 --> 00:53:38,990
- Where do you live?
- I can't tell you.

617
00:53:39,199 --> 00:53:42,100
- Why not?
- Cause you're a stranger.

618
00:54:20,707 --> 00:54:23,938
<i>Hello, Kevin!</i>

619
00:54:27,414 --> 00:54:28,642
Shut up!

620
00:54:42,295 --> 00:54:43,557
I don't get it.

621
00:54:44,197 --> 00:54:46,324
It looks like there's nobody's home.

622
00:54:47,367 --> 00:54:49,426
Last night the place is jumping.

623
00:54:50,136 --> 00:54:51,797
Something ain't right.

624
00:54:52,806 --> 00:54:53,830
Go check it out.

625
00:55:02,816 --> 00:55:03,976
Now?

626
00:55:04,451 --> 00:55:07,978
No, tomorrow, egghead!
Now! Go ahead.

627
00:55:10,290 --> 00:55:11,382
"Now."

628
00:55:28,742 --> 00:55:29,834
Shit!

629
00:55:33,113 --> 00:55:34,705
<i>Get the hell out of here.</i>

630
00:55:34,914 --> 00:55:38,077
<i>All right, Johnny.</i>
<i>But what about my money?</i>

631
00:55:38,284 --> 00:55:39,308
<i>What money?</i>

632
00:55:39,519 --> 00:55:41,749
<i>A.C. Said you had</i>
<i>some dough for me.</i>

633
00:55:41,955 --> 00:55:44,856
<i>Is that a fact?</i>
<i>How much do I owe you?</i>

634
00:55:45,058 --> 00:55:46,855
<i>A.C. Said ten percent.</i>

635
00:55:48,094 --> 00:55:50,585
<i>Too bad A.C.</i>
<i>Ain't in charge no more.</i>

636
00:55:50,797 --> 00:55:51,957
<i>What do you mean?</i>

637
00:55:52,165 --> 00:55:54,690
<i>He's upstairs, taking a bath.</i>

638
00:55:55,568 --> 00:55:57,661
<i>He'll call you when he gets out.</i>

639
00:55:59,172 --> 00:56:03,370
<i>Hey, I tell you what I'm</i>
<i>gonna give you, Snakes.</i>

640
00:56:04,077 --> 00:56:07,308
- Snakes?
<i>- I'll give you to the count of ten...</i>

641
00:56:07,514 --> 00:56:09,709
<i>... to get your ugly,</i>
<i>yellow, no-good...</i>

642
00:56:09,916 --> 00:56:11,884
<i>... keister off my property...</i>

643
00:56:12,085 --> 00:56:14,144
<i>... before I pump you full of lead.</i>

644
00:56:14,354 --> 00:56:17,016
<i>All right, Johnny. I'm sorry.</i>
<i>I'm going.</i>

645
00:56:17,223 --> 00:56:20,090
<i>One, two... ten.</i>

646
00:56:39,345 --> 00:56:42,337
<i>Keep the change, you filthy animal.</i>

647
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:47,950
What happened?

648
00:56:48,154 --> 00:56:50,884
I don't know who, but somebody
just got blown away.

649
00:56:51,091 --> 00:56:53,423
Somebody beat us,
they're in there.

650
00:56:53,626 --> 00:56:54,752
Two of them.

651
00:56:54,961 --> 00:56:57,589
There was arguing.
One blew the other one away.

652
00:56:57,797 --> 00:56:59,389
- Who?
- I don't know.

653
00:57:00,300 --> 00:57:05,237
I recognized one of their voices.
I heard that name "Snakes" before.

654
00:57:05,438 --> 00:57:09,169
Snakes? Snakes. Snakes.
I don't know no Snakes.

655
00:57:09,375 --> 00:57:12,708
Snakes. Let's get out of here.

656
00:57:14,981 --> 00:57:16,243
Hold it. Hold it.

657
00:57:16,449 --> 00:57:19,782
Let's wait and see who it is.
We work this neighborhood too.

658
00:57:20,653 --> 00:57:22,644
Suppose the cops finger us
for a job...

659
00:57:22,856 --> 00:57:25,825
...and they ask us about
a murder in the area.

660
00:57:26,025 --> 00:57:28,994
Wouldn't it be nice to have
a face to go with it?

661
00:57:31,631 --> 00:57:32,825
That's a good idea.

662
00:57:33,366 --> 00:57:36,392
Of course it's a good idea.
Snakes?

663
00:57:36,603 --> 00:57:38,764
He sounded like a snake.

664
00:57:45,411 --> 00:57:46,571
Everything's full.

665
00:57:46,779 --> 00:57:48,246
Everything's full?

666
00:57:48,448 --> 00:57:51,315
I'm very sorry, but
it is Christmas Eve.

667
00:57:52,085 --> 00:57:53,814
What about another airline?

668
00:57:58,525 --> 00:58:01,358
Nothing available.
May I help you get a hotel room?

669
00:58:01,561 --> 00:58:03,529
Tomorrow we can get you a flight.

670
00:58:03,730 --> 00:58:05,459
I can't wait that long.

671
00:58:05,665 --> 00:58:09,658
I'm sorry, ma'am, but we're
doing absolutely everything we can.

672
00:58:13,806 --> 00:58:16,832
I'm in your way. I'm sorry.
You've places to go.

673
00:58:17,043 --> 00:58:19,477
Got a ticket there, good. Excuse me.

674
00:58:19,679 --> 00:58:23,046
Look, I have been awake
for almost 60 hours.

675
00:58:23,249 --> 00:58:24,739
I'm tired and I'm dirty.

676
00:58:24,951 --> 00:58:29,047
I have been from Chicago to Paris,
to Dallas, to... Where am I?

677
00:58:29,556 --> 00:58:30,921
Scranton.

678
00:58:31,424 --> 00:58:33,949
I'm trying to get home
to my 8-year-old son.

679
00:58:34,894 --> 00:58:37,260
Now you're telling me it's hopeless?

680
00:58:37,463 --> 00:58:39,988
- I'm sorry.
- No. No way.

681
00:58:40,200 --> 00:58:41,292
This is Christmas!

682
00:58:41,501 --> 00:58:43,969
The season of perpetual hope.

683
00:58:44,170 --> 00:58:47,071
If I have to get on
your runway and hitchhike...

684
00:58:47,273 --> 00:58:49,264
...if it costs me everything I own...

685
00:58:49,475 --> 00:58:52,376
...if I have to sell my soul
to the Devil himself...

686
00:58:52,579 --> 00:58:55,377
...I am going to get home to my son.

687
00:58:56,683 --> 00:58:58,651
Ma'am, if there was anything...

688
00:58:58,851 --> 00:59:00,375
Do it. Do anything.

689
00:59:00,587 --> 00:59:02,578
- I can get you a hotel room.
- What?

690
00:59:02,789 --> 00:59:06,850
Can you excuse us for a sec?
Can I see you for a second, please?

691
00:59:07,060 --> 00:59:08,960
Excuse us.

692
00:59:11,030 --> 00:59:13,430
You got a little bit of a dilemma.

693
00:59:13,633 --> 00:59:16,067
We got a crisis ourselves.

694
00:59:16,603 --> 00:59:18,867
Allow me to introduce myself.
Gus Polinski.

695
00:59:21,341 --> 00:59:23,536
Polka King of the Midwest?

696
00:59:26,746 --> 00:59:29,010
The Kenosha Kickers?

697
00:59:29,582 --> 00:59:30,913
- Hi there.
- Hiya.

698
00:59:31,751 --> 00:59:35,187
That's okay. I thought you might
have recognized...

699
00:59:35,388 --> 00:59:39,051
I had a few hits a few years ago.
That's why I just...

700
00:59:39,259 --> 00:59:43,855
"Polka, Polka, Polka"?
<i>Polka, polka, polka</i>

701
00:59:44,063 --> 00:59:45,087
"Twin Lakes Polka"?

702
00:59:45,298 --> 00:59:50,133
"Yamahoozie Polka," a.k.a.
"Kiss Me Polka"? "Polka Twist"?

703
00:59:50,336 --> 00:59:51,803
These are songs?

704
00:59:52,005 --> 00:59:54,906
Yeah. Yeah, we...
Some fairly big hits for us.

705
00:59:55,108 --> 00:59:56,939
You know, in the early '80s.

706
00:59:57,143 --> 00:59:59,976
Yeah, we sold about 623
copies of that.

707
01:00:00,179 --> 01:00:01,737
- In Chicago?
- No, Sheboygan.

708
01:00:01,948 --> 01:00:03,575
Very big in Sheboygan.

709
01:00:03,783 --> 01:00:05,307
Did you say you could help?

710
01:00:05,518 --> 01:00:09,249
Anyway, I'm rambling on here.
Our flight was canceled...

711
01:00:09,455 --> 01:00:13,858
...so we're gonna drive. See the guy
in the yellow jacket over there?

712
01:00:14,060 --> 01:00:17,496
He's gonna rent us a nice big van
to drive to Milwaukee.

713
01:00:17,697 --> 01:00:20,996
Now, I heard you had some problems
getting to Chicago?

714
01:00:21,401 --> 01:00:22,766
To see your kid or something?

715
01:00:22,969 --> 01:00:26,837
Uh, my son. He...
We left, and he's there.

716
01:00:27,040 --> 01:00:30,669
If you have to get to Chicago,
we'll gladly drive you.

717
01:00:30,877 --> 01:00:32,902
It's on the way to Milwaukee.

718
01:00:33,446 --> 01:00:35,846
- You'd give me a ride?
- Sure, why not?

719
01:00:36,049 --> 01:00:37,573
You've got to get home.

720
01:00:37,784 --> 01:00:40,776
- A ride to Chicago?
- Sure, it's Christmastime.

721
01:00:41,421 --> 01:00:42,979
Thank you. Oh, thank you.

722
01:00:43,189 --> 01:00:45,384
You don't mind going with polka bums?

723
01:00:45,591 --> 01:00:47,388
No, I'd love to.

724
01:01:09,849 --> 01:01:12,477
Hey, Marv. Marv, Marv!

725
01:01:12,685 --> 01:01:13,515
Look at this.

726
01:01:20,226 --> 01:01:23,957
I think we're getting scammed
by a kindergartner.

727
01:01:54,360 --> 01:01:56,590
Dad, can you come here
and help me?

728
01:02:01,401 --> 01:02:03,665
Remember that kid
we saw the other day?

729
01:02:04,670 --> 01:02:06,137
He lives here.

730
01:02:06,439 --> 01:02:08,930
If the kid's here,
the parent's got to be.

731
01:02:09,542 --> 01:02:11,100
He's home alone.

732
01:02:19,152 --> 01:02:21,347
What? You want to come
back tonight?

733
01:02:21,554 --> 01:02:23,044
Even with the kid here?

734
01:02:23,256 --> 01:02:25,281
I don't think that's a good idea.

735
01:02:25,491 --> 01:02:28,221
That house is the reason
we worked this block.

736
01:02:28,428 --> 01:02:30,794
Ever since I saw that house,
I wanted it.

737
01:02:30,997 --> 01:02:33,090
Let's take it one step at a time.

738
01:02:33,299 --> 01:02:37,929
We'll unload the van, get a bite
to eat, we'll come back about 9:00.

739
01:02:38,137 --> 01:02:39,365
Nine o'clock.

740
01:02:39,572 --> 01:02:40,937
This way it's dark then.

741
01:02:41,140 --> 01:02:44,132
Yeah, kids are scared of the dark.

742
01:02:44,343 --> 01:02:47,073
You're afraid of the dark too.
You know you are.

743
01:02:48,514 --> 01:02:49,913
No, I'm not.

744
01:02:50,116 --> 01:02:52,016
- Yes, you are.
- Not, not, not.

745
01:02:52,218 --> 01:02:53,310
You are so.

746
01:02:53,519 --> 01:02:55,510
Mom, where are you?

747
01:03:10,269 --> 01:03:11,497
Do you play?

748
01:03:12,171 --> 01:03:15,504
Do you want to try? Go ahead,
try it. Try it!

749
01:03:43,069 --> 01:03:45,435
- Excuse me.
- Yeah?

750
01:03:46,973 --> 01:03:48,668
Hey, nice shoes.

751
01:03:49,041 --> 01:03:50,531
Oh, thanks.

752
01:03:50,743 --> 01:03:54,304
Is he still here? It's really
important that I see him.

753
01:03:55,014 --> 01:03:58,472
He's getting in his car.
If you hurry, you can catch him.

754
01:03:59,886 --> 01:04:04,084
How low! Giving Kriss Kringle
a parking ticket on Christmas Eve!

755
01:04:04,290 --> 01:04:06,918
What's next, rabies shots
for the Easter Bunny?

756
01:04:07,126 --> 01:04:08,616
Santa, hold on.

757
01:04:10,963 --> 01:04:12,954
- Can I talk to you for a minute?
- Quickly.

758
01:04:13,165 --> 01:04:14,792
Santa's running late.

759
01:04:15,001 --> 01:04:17,469
I know you're not
the real Santa Claus.

760
01:04:17,970 --> 01:04:21,462
Huh, what makes you say that?
Just out of curiosity.

761
01:04:21,674 --> 01:04:25,110
- I'm old enough to know how it works.
- All right.

762
01:04:25,311 --> 01:04:27,370
But I also know you work for him.

763
01:04:27,713 --> 01:04:30,511
- I'd like you to give him a message.
- Shoot.

764
01:04:31,017 --> 01:04:35,716
Kevin McCallister, 681 Lincoln Blvd.
Do you need the phone number?

765
01:04:36,088 --> 01:04:37,350
No, that's all right.

766
01:04:37,690 --> 01:04:39,453
This is extremely important.

767
01:04:39,659 --> 01:04:44,596
Please tell him instead of presents,
I just want my family back.

768
01:04:45,264 --> 01:04:49,701
No toys. Nothing but Peter, Kate,
Buzz, Megan, Linnie and Jeff.

769
01:04:49,902 --> 01:04:51,927
And my aunt and my cousins.

770
01:04:52,138 --> 01:04:55,266
And if he has time,
my Uncle Frank. Okay?

771
01:04:56,976 --> 01:04:58,136
Okay.

772
01:04:59,078 --> 01:05:01,342
- I'll see what I can do.
- Thanks.

773
01:05:01,547 --> 01:05:06,041
Wait. My elf took the last of the
candy canes home to her boyfriend.

774
01:05:06,252 --> 01:05:08,152
- That's okay.
- No, don't be silly.

775
01:05:08,354 --> 01:05:11,221
Everybody who sees Santa
has got to get something.

776
01:05:11,424 --> 01:05:15,554
Here, hold out your little paw there.
There you go.

777
01:05:16,028 --> 01:05:18,360
- Don't spoil your dinner.
- I won't.

778
01:05:18,831 --> 01:05:20,196
Thanks.

779
01:05:31,444 --> 01:05:32,968
Son of a...!

780
01:08:30,356 --> 01:08:31,789
Merry Christmas.

781
01:08:34,260 --> 01:08:35,488
May I sit down?

782
01:08:46,872 --> 01:08:48,305
That's my granddaughter.

783
01:08:48,874 --> 01:08:50,535
The little red-haired girl.

784
01:08:52,745 --> 01:08:55,578
She's about your age.
You know her?

785
01:08:55,781 --> 01:08:56,770
No.

786
01:08:56,982 --> 01:08:58,813
You live next to me, don't you?

787
01:09:00,252 --> 01:09:03,779
You can say hello when you see me.
You don't have to be afraid.

788
01:09:04,857 --> 01:09:09,692
There's a lot of things going around
about me, but none of it's true. Okay?

789
01:09:10,563 --> 01:09:12,758
- You've been good this year?
- I think so.

790
01:09:13,265 --> 01:09:14,562
You swear to it?

791
01:09:15,167 --> 01:09:16,156
No.

792
01:09:16,368 --> 01:09:20,998
Yeah. Well, this is the place to be
if you're feeling bad about yourself.

793
01:09:21,373 --> 01:09:24,001
- It is?
- I think so.

794
01:09:24,210 --> 01:09:26,804
- Are you feeling bad about yourself?
- No.

795
01:09:31,250 --> 01:09:33,309
I've been kind of a pain lately.

796
01:09:33,786 --> 01:09:36,254
I said some things I shouldn't have.

797
01:09:36,455 --> 01:09:39,185
I really haven't been
too good this year.

798
01:09:39,859 --> 01:09:40,791
Yeah.

799
01:09:40,993 --> 01:09:44,258
I'm kind of upset
because I really like my family.

800
01:09:44,463 --> 01:09:49,366
Even though sometimes I say I don't.
Sometimes I even think I don't.

801
01:09:49,702 --> 01:09:52,432
- Do you get that?
- I think so.

802
01:09:52,671 --> 01:09:55,162
How you feel about family
is a complicated thing.

803
01:09:56,008 --> 01:09:58,374
Especially with an older brother.

804
01:09:59,144 --> 01:10:01,442
Deep down, you'll always love him.

805
01:10:01,680 --> 01:10:06,014
But you can forget that you love him.
You can hurt them, they can hurt you.

806
01:10:06,218 --> 01:10:08,209
That's not just because you're young.

807
01:10:10,356 --> 01:10:13,018
You want to know the real
reason why I'm here?

808
01:10:13,225 --> 01:10:14,487
Sure.

809
01:10:14,894 --> 01:10:16,919
I came to hear my granddaughter sing.

810
01:10:17,263 --> 01:10:18,821
I can't come hear her tonight.

811
01:10:19,331 --> 01:10:20,355
You have plans?

812
01:10:20,833 --> 01:10:21,925
No.

813
01:10:22,868 --> 01:10:24,199
I'm not welcome.

814
01:10:24,970 --> 01:10:26,198
At church?

815
01:10:26,405 --> 01:10:28,498
You're always welcome at church.

816
01:10:28,741 --> 01:10:30,800
I'm not welcome with my son.

817
01:10:32,278 --> 01:10:36,009
Years back, before you and your family
moved on the block...

818
01:10:36,782 --> 01:10:38,409
...I had an argument with my son.

819
01:10:39,251 --> 01:10:40,343
How old is he?

820
01:10:40,586 --> 01:10:42,110
He's grown up.

821
01:10:43,555 --> 01:10:48,185
We lost our tempers, and I said
I didn't care to see him anymore.

822
01:10:48,727 --> 01:10:53,027
He said the same, and we haven't
spoken to each other since.

823
01:10:54,199 --> 01:10:56,463
If you miss him,
why don't you call him?

824
01:10:57,036 --> 01:10:59,231
I'm afraid if I call,
he won't talk to me.

825
01:10:59,438 --> 01:11:00,905
How do you know?

826
01:11:01,907 --> 01:11:03,374
I don't know.

827
01:11:03,609 --> 01:11:04,701
I'm just afraid.

828
01:11:05,377 --> 01:11:08,471
No offense, but aren't you
a little old to be afraid?

829
01:11:09,782 --> 01:11:11,943
You can be old for a lot of things.

830
01:11:12,151 --> 01:11:14,949
- You're never too old to be afraid.
- That's true.

831
01:11:15,154 --> 01:11:17,088
I was afraid of our basement.

832
01:11:17,289 --> 01:11:20,588
It's dark. There's weird stuff
down there, and it smells funny.

833
01:11:20,793 --> 01:11:24,388
That sort of thing.
It's bothered me for years.

834
01:11:24,630 --> 01:11:25,927
Basements are like that.

835
01:11:27,166 --> 01:11:29,600
I made myself go down
to do some laundry...

836
01:11:29,802 --> 01:11:31,929
...and I found out it's not so bad.

837
01:11:32,137 --> 01:11:36,767
I worried about it, but if you
turn on the lights, it's no big deal.

838
01:11:37,176 --> 01:11:38,108
What's your point?

839
01:11:38,510 --> 01:11:41,308
My point is,
you should call your son.

840
01:11:42,281 --> 01:11:45,045
- What if he won't talk to me?
- At least you'll know.

841
01:11:45,250 --> 01:11:49,619
Then you could stop worrying about it.
You won't have to be afraid anymore.

842
01:11:50,389 --> 01:11:55,326
No matter how mad I was, I'd talk to
Dad. Especially around the holidays.

843
01:11:57,062 --> 01:11:58,654
I don't know.

844
01:11:58,864 --> 01:11:59,956
Just give it a shot.

845
01:12:00,165 --> 01:12:01,792
For your granddaughter anyway.

846
01:12:02,001 --> 01:12:05,266
I'm sure she misses you.
And the presents.

847
01:12:05,804 --> 01:12:07,203
I send her a check.

848
01:12:07,906 --> 01:12:09,771
I wish my grandparents did that.

849
01:12:09,975 --> 01:12:11,465
They always send me clothes.

850
01:12:11,677 --> 01:12:14,646
Last year I got a sweater
with a bird knitted on it.

851
01:12:14,847 --> 01:12:15,836
Oh, that's nice.

852
01:12:16,048 --> 01:12:18,175
Not for a guy in the second grade.

853
01:12:18,384 --> 01:12:21,046
You can get beat up for wearing
something like that.

854
01:12:22,354 --> 01:12:24,413
I have a friend who got nailed...

855
01:12:24,623 --> 01:12:27,524
...because there was a rumor
he wore dinosaur pajamas.

856
01:12:28,627 --> 01:12:30,891
You better run home where you belong.

857
01:12:31,663 --> 01:12:32,891
Think about what I said.

858
01:12:33,298 --> 01:12:34,788
- All right?
- Okay.

859
01:12:35,634 --> 01:12:36,726
It's nice talking to you.

860
01:12:37,770 --> 01:12:39,397
Nice talking to you.

861
01:12:45,811 --> 01:12:48,006
- What about you?
- Me?

862
01:12:48,514 --> 01:12:50,072
Yeah. You and your son.

863
01:12:52,017 --> 01:12:53,882
We'll see what happens.

864
01:12:55,287 --> 01:12:56,549
Merry Christmas.

865
01:12:57,623 --> 01:12:59,557
Merry Christmas.

866
01:13:51,543 --> 01:13:55,138
This is my house.
I have to defend it.

867
01:15:23,068 --> 01:15:26,128
We'll check it out.
We can come back for the truck.

868
01:15:34,446 --> 01:15:35,708
How do you want to go in?

869
01:15:36,248 --> 01:15:39,217
We'll go to the back door.
Maybe he'll let us in.

870
01:15:39,418 --> 01:15:42,751
Yeah, he's a kid. Kids are stupid.

871
01:15:44,856 --> 01:15:48,815
Bless this nutritious, microwaveable
macaroni and cheese dinner...

872
01:15:49,027 --> 01:15:51,621
...and the people who sold
it on sale.

873
01:16:16,822 --> 01:16:19,586
This is it. Don't get scared now.

874
01:16:32,704 --> 01:16:35,366
Merry Christmas, little fella.

875
01:16:36,275 --> 01:16:41,042
We know that you're in there,
and that you're all alone.

876
01:16:41,546 --> 01:16:43,776
Yeah, come on, kid. Open up.

877
01:16:44,783 --> 01:16:47,411
It's Santy Claus and his elf.

878
01:16:49,821 --> 01:16:51,482
We're not gonna hurt you.

879
01:16:51,690 --> 01:16:55,126
No, no. Got some nice
presents for you.

880
01:16:55,494 --> 01:16:59,123
Be a good little fella now
and open the door.

881
01:17:03,935 --> 01:17:05,061
What?

882
01:17:06,905 --> 01:17:08,896
What? What?

883
01:17:09,708 --> 01:17:10,640
What?

884
01:17:10,842 --> 01:17:13,106
- What happened?
- Get that little...

885
01:17:24,856 --> 01:17:26,221
Hello.

886
01:17:31,963 --> 01:17:34,329
Yes! Yes!

887
01:17:34,533 --> 01:17:36,057
The little jerk is armed!

888
01:17:36,268 --> 01:17:40,500
That's it! I'm going in the front.
You go down the basement!

889
01:20:13,258 --> 01:20:17,922
Oh, boy. That's it, you little...
You little...

890
01:20:18,830 --> 01:20:20,991
No, not this time, you little brat.

891
01:20:24,436 --> 01:20:27,269
You little creep, where are you?

892
01:20:51,196 --> 01:20:52,595
Yes!

893
01:21:26,364 --> 01:21:27,991
- Rip his head off...!

894
01:21:38,143 --> 01:21:39,508
You're dead, kid.

895
01:22:26,891 --> 01:22:29,621
Where are you, you little creep?!

896
01:22:45,944 --> 01:22:48,640
Harry, I'm coming in!

897
01:22:53,251 --> 01:22:55,344
Oh, no! I'm really scared.

898
01:22:55,553 --> 01:22:59,421
It's too late for you, kid, we're
in the house. We're gonna get you.

899
01:22:59,624 --> 01:23:01,717
Okay, come and get me!

900
01:23:02,060 --> 01:23:03,118
Why, you...!

901
01:23:09,768 --> 01:23:10,996
Now you're dead!

902
01:23:36,728 --> 01:23:39,288
I'm gonna kill that kid!

903
01:23:56,748 --> 01:23:58,579
Why'd you take your shoes off?

904
01:23:59,084 --> 01:24:00,813
Why are you dressed like a chicken?

905
01:24:02,754 --> 01:24:04,415
I'm up here, you morons.

906
01:24:04,656 --> 01:24:06,146
Come and get me.

907
01:24:09,594 --> 01:24:12,893
You guys give up, or are you
thirsty for more?

908
01:24:22,707 --> 01:24:24,072
Heads up!

909
01:24:27,178 --> 01:24:29,669
Don't worry, Marv.
I'll get him for you.

910
01:24:33,752 --> 01:24:34,810
Yes!

911
01:24:40,058 --> 01:24:42,322
He's only a kid, Harry.
We can take him.

912
01:24:42,527 --> 01:24:45,587
Ah, shut up, will you?
What is it?

913
01:24:45,797 --> 01:24:47,958
You're missing some teeth.

914
01:24:48,166 --> 01:24:50,293
Where? It's my gold tooth.

915
01:24:50,502 --> 01:24:53,528
My gold tooth. I'll kill him.
I'll kill him!

916
01:24:55,874 --> 01:24:58,069
You bomb me with
one more can, kid...

917
01:24:58,276 --> 01:25:02,508
...and I'll snap off your <i>cojones</i>
and boil them in motor oil!

918
01:25:05,850 --> 01:25:06,976
<i>911 emergency.</i>

919
01:25:07,185 --> 01:25:09,050
Hello, my house is being robbed.

920
01:25:09,254 --> 01:25:13,953
My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard.
My name is Murphy.

921
01:25:17,462 --> 01:25:18,895
You never know what's up there.

922
01:25:20,031 --> 01:25:20,895
There he is!

923
01:25:26,538 --> 01:25:28,233
I got you! I got him, Harry.

924
01:25:30,041 --> 01:25:31,338
I got him.

925
01:25:32,510 --> 01:25:33,738
Harry, give me a hand!

926
01:25:37,115 --> 01:25:38,013
I got him!

927
01:25:39,250 --> 01:25:40,581
Harry, help me. Get up!

928
01:25:42,187 --> 01:25:43,415
I got him.

929
01:26:23,194 --> 01:26:24,286
What are you doing?

930
01:26:25,129 --> 01:26:27,859
Harry, don't move.

931
01:26:29,334 --> 01:26:31,700
Don't move.

932
01:26:32,170 --> 01:26:33,728
Marv, what are you doing?

933
01:26:38,443 --> 01:26:39,432
Did I get him?

934
01:26:40,612 --> 01:26:41,977
Did I get him?!

935
01:26:42,347 --> 01:26:44,440
Where is it? Where is it?

936
01:26:44,649 --> 01:26:48,278
Never mind that. Here!
How do you like it, huh? You jerk!

937
01:26:48,486 --> 01:26:51,148
Get that kid, before l...
Get that kid!

938
01:27:17,949 --> 01:27:19,246
Where'd he go?

939
01:27:20,018 --> 01:27:21,986
Maybe he committed suicide.

940
01:27:22,420 --> 01:27:27,289
Down here, you big horse's ass!
Come get me before I call the police.

941
01:27:27,492 --> 01:27:29,460
- Let's get him!
- Wait, wait.

942
01:27:29,661 --> 01:27:31,526
It's just what he wants us to do:

943
01:27:31,729 --> 01:27:34,857
Go back through his fun house
so we get all tore up.

944
01:27:35,066 --> 01:27:36,556
He's gonna call the cops!

945
01:27:36,768 --> 01:27:38,497
From a tree house?!

946
01:27:38,703 --> 01:27:39,829
Come on.

947
01:27:41,072 --> 01:27:42,471
Out the window?

948
01:27:42,907 --> 01:27:44,306
I'm not going out the window.

949
01:27:44,509 --> 01:27:48,445
Why, you scared? Are you afraid?
Come on, get out here.

950
01:27:53,284 --> 01:27:54,649
Come on.

951
01:28:00,692 --> 01:28:02,125
Come on!

952
01:28:08,032 --> 01:28:10,967
- Come on. Keep going.
- Let's go back, Harry.

953
01:28:16,607 --> 01:28:17,699
Shut it, Marv.

954
01:28:21,312 --> 01:28:22,210
Hey, guys!

955
01:28:22,780 --> 01:28:24,077
Check this out.

956
01:28:25,183 --> 01:28:26,980
Go back. Go back.

957
01:29:15,466 --> 01:29:16,296
There he is!

958
01:29:16,934 --> 01:29:19,061
Hey, I'm calling the cops!

959
01:29:20,338 --> 01:29:22,806
Wait, wait!
He wants us to follow him.

960
01:29:23,007 --> 01:29:24,941
I got a better idea. Come on.

961
01:29:42,960 --> 01:29:44,222
Hiya, pal.

962
01:29:44,662 --> 01:29:47,893
We outsmarted you this time.
Get over here!

963
01:29:53,838 --> 01:29:55,271
What are you gonna do, Harry?

964
01:29:55,706 --> 01:29:57,731
I'll do exactly what he did to us.

965
01:29:57,942 --> 01:29:59,773
Burn his head with a blowtorch.

966
01:29:59,977 --> 01:30:02,002
I'll smash his face with an iron.

967
01:30:02,213 --> 01:30:05,046
I'd like to slap him
in the face with a paint can!

968
01:30:05,249 --> 01:30:06,841
Shove a nail through his foot!

969
01:30:07,051 --> 01:30:11,988
I'm gonna bite off every one of
these little fingers, one at a time.

970
01:30:21,299 --> 01:30:23,631
Come on. Let's get you home.

971
01:30:46,591 --> 01:30:49,321
Wow! This is great.

972
01:30:52,697 --> 01:30:55,029
Nice move,
leaving the water running.

973
01:30:55,233 --> 01:30:58,999
Now we know each and every house
that you've hit.

974
01:31:02,473 --> 01:31:05,271
We've been looking for you guys
for a long time.

975
01:31:05,476 --> 01:31:08,343
Yeah. Well, remember,
we're the "Wet Bandits."

976
01:31:08,546 --> 01:31:12,573
- Wet Bandits, that's W-E-T...
- Shut up! Get in the car!

977
01:31:12,783 --> 01:31:14,512
Hey, come on. Come on.

978
01:31:15,219 --> 01:31:17,687
- Hand off the head, pal!
- Come on.

979
01:32:13,277 --> 01:32:15,336
<i>I'm a bad parent. I'm a bad parent.</i>

980
01:32:15,546 --> 01:32:16,638
No, you're not.

981
01:32:16,847 --> 01:32:19,509
You're beating yourself up there.
This happens.

982
01:32:19,717 --> 01:32:21,412
These things happen, you know.

983
01:32:21,619 --> 01:32:25,316
You want to talk about bad parents?
Look at us.

984
01:32:25,523 --> 01:32:30,256
We're on the road 48, 49 weeks a year.
We hardly see our families.

985
01:32:30,962 --> 01:32:33,226
Joe, over there. Gosh, you know...

986
01:32:33,431 --> 01:32:36,264
...he forgets his kids' names
half the time.

987
01:32:36,467 --> 01:32:39,868
Ziggy over there,
he's never even met his kid.

988
01:32:40,071 --> 01:32:43,939
Eddy... Let's just hope
none of them write a book about him.

989
01:32:45,076 --> 01:32:48,603
Tell me, have you gone on vacation
and left your child home?

990
01:32:52,016 --> 01:32:53,347
No.

991
01:32:54,118 --> 01:32:57,087
But I did leave one
at a funeral parlor once.

992
01:32:57,788 --> 01:33:01,155
Yeah, it was terrible too.
I was all distraught and everything.

993
01:33:01,359 --> 01:33:05,557
The wife and I, we left the little
tyke there in the funeral parlor.

994
01:33:05,763 --> 01:33:09,494
All day. You know, we went
back at night, when we...

995
01:33:09,700 --> 01:33:11,930
...came to our senses,
there he was.

996
01:33:12,136 --> 01:33:15,264
Apparently, he was there
all day with a corpse.

997
01:33:16,340 --> 01:33:19,639
Now, he was okay.
You know, after six, seven weeks.

998
01:33:19,844 --> 01:33:22,335
He came around
and started talking again.

999
01:33:23,681 --> 01:33:26,673
They get over it.
Kids are resilient like that.

1000
01:33:26,884 --> 01:33:28,613
We shouldn't talk about this.

1001
01:33:28,819 --> 01:33:30,684
I was just trying to cheer you up.

1002
01:33:30,888 --> 01:33:33,015
I'm sorry I did.

1003
01:33:59,250 --> 01:34:00,376
Mom?

1004
01:34:05,589 --> 01:34:06,817
Mom?

1005
01:34:59,243 --> 01:35:00,540
Kevin!

1006
01:35:34,578 --> 01:35:36,603
Merry Christmas, sweetheart.

1007
01:35:45,923 --> 01:35:48,483
Oh, Kevin, I'm so sorry.

1008
01:36:08,379 --> 01:36:10,176
Where's everybody else?

1009
01:36:10,915 --> 01:36:12,906
Oh, baby, they couldn't come.

1010
01:36:13,117 --> 01:36:14,379
They wanted to so much...

1011
01:36:14,585 --> 01:36:19,045
I didn't fall asleep in the back
and drool all over you, did I?

1012
01:36:19,256 --> 01:36:21,554
- You do drool!
- Shut up!

1013
01:36:24,428 --> 01:36:27,522
Kevin, my boy. How are you?

1014
01:36:28,265 --> 01:36:29,994
You're all right.

1015
01:36:30,434 --> 01:36:31,731
I love you. You okay?

1016
01:36:36,574 --> 01:36:39,202
It's cool that you didn't
burn the place down.

1017
01:36:41,745 --> 01:36:43,303
Thanks, Buzz.

1018
01:36:44,915 --> 01:36:47,008
Wait a minute.
How'd you guys get home?

1019
01:36:47,218 --> 01:36:49,743
On the morning flight you didn't
want to wait for.

1020
01:36:49,954 --> 01:36:53,219
- Oh, no. Oh! Thank you.
- Merry Christmas.

1021
01:36:53,424 --> 01:36:54,857
Merry Christmas.

1022
01:36:55,459 --> 01:36:57,552
Someone has to find an open store.

1023
01:36:57,761 --> 01:36:59,388
I went shopping yesterday.

1024
01:37:01,999 --> 01:37:03,591
You, shopping?

1025
01:37:03,801 --> 01:37:06,599
I got some milk, eggs
and fabric softener.

1026
01:37:08,472 --> 01:37:10,372
- What?
- No kidding?

1027
01:37:10,574 --> 01:37:12,303
What a funny guy.

1028
01:37:12,510 --> 01:37:14,705
What else did you do
while we were away?

1029
01:37:15,746 --> 01:37:18,044
Just hung around.

1030
01:37:20,117 --> 01:37:21,607
Bring your stuff upstairs.

1031
01:37:21,819 --> 01:37:26,222
He went shopping? He doesn't know how
to tie his shoe. He's going shopping?

1032
01:37:53,150 --> 01:37:54,708
Honey, what's this?

1033
01:38:53,077 --> 01:38:56,535
Kevin! What did you do
to my room?

1034
01:39:01,535 --> 01:39:31,535
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